It's a comment on living in the present vs worrying about the future.

Most of my life I had no fear of death, and was also a generally happy person; during a time when I was unemployed and living in a tool shed next to my dad's trailer, someone once asked why I was in such a good mood that day, and I answered simply that I had nothing I needed to be worrying about right then.

As I got older I started worrying more and more and further and further into the future, and I considered this a wise, pragmatic thing. Then last year I was struck for no particular reason with an existential crisis during which I could rarely ever tear my mind off of fixating about the inevitable death of the universe as a whole, not just myself; but myself too, and every other person, animal, etc. (I started being vegetarian then too, because I couldn't stomach food when it reminded me of death; I could barely stomach food at all anyway, from the anxiety).

Part of getting over that crisis was just physiological, which is what I expect brought it on, but another part of it was learning to accept that the future is largely unknown and uncontrollable, and that there is an important balancing point between doing the things you can do, and accepting the things you can't do anything about.

I stopped (for the most part) fixating on the largely uncontrollable high probability of some kind of eventual death at some point, and instead focused on, first, doing whatever things within my control that there were to do to maximize the length and enjoyment of my life, and then, once I had done the things I could do, just enjoying the present moment as much as I can. (E.g. I started doing nature photography while hiking, as a way of drawing my attention to things of beauty around me).

Beyond enjoying myself now, and doing what I can to prolong enjoyment as much as possible, there's a big fuzzy future where I don't know what will happen or what I can do about any of it. And there will always be. Even if we cure aging, go 100% solar, build a Dyson sphere, starlift all the stars and fit them with stellar engines to build some unfathomable contraption to harness all the energy stored in the supermassive black hole at the center of our galaxy, and then in the uncountable *illions of years that that buys us, figure out how to tap dark energy to perpetuate life forever in principle -- there are still always unknowns. And we can't sit paralyzed by them, or else we might, if we are lucky, spend eternity perpetually staring into the abyss of the unknown future that we will never fully illuminate.

Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it. Maybe this is what peace is like. Haha. I'm currently working through three books. They're all philosophical, but it takes me some time to get through them because of the density of information.

I am not religious and don't think I'd ever have an emotional need for religion, the supernatural or anything of that nature. I'd prefer to keep clean of that sort of stuff, if this is what you call the next level. I do not shy away from the torture, genocide, gore, or things of those nature and do indulge for fascination's sake in sporadic doses to remain grounded.

Are you saying hell is far worse than death? If I believed in Hell as an inevitability, I would treat it similar to death and seek to overcome this fear of it as well. — Cobra

I admire your spirit. All I wanted to do was inform you that death isn't the biggest threat there is. All things being equal, it is but, the notion of hell as an eternity of pain, the feeling of heightened dread it brings on, suggests to me that death, under certain circumstance, isn't as bad as it's made out to be. Does suicide ring any bells?

I don't know you and don't pretend to, it's just that you said that activities and behaviours in life are formed around death fears, though I would say something like gardening clearly isn't. Perhaps you are giving certain types of people too much credit? Your characterisation of these "activities" and "behaviours" in life may be lopsided?

Honestly, for me, after accepting the possibility and eventuality of death, I stopped thinking in these terms. I think that when one truly accepts and comes to terms with their mortality then they will stop thinking about death. As opposed to thinking about how death doesn't bother you when it doesn't bother you, you won't be thinking about it anymore.

The reason I advocated processes is that if we are looking at fear as a motivator - for instance, the need to complete things before death. Then it seems pertinent to talk about other motivators, most of which come from being involved in a process. Events, particularly ones you aren't excited about, are not good motivators. You do the activity, it ends, you find the next activity - that is boring and boredom is the motivation here. You only do the next activity because doing nothing is boring. Gardening and art are good but do you feel like you're good at these things, do you want to be better? Do you see yourself in a positive light due to your skill at these things? Because without that, these activities just become something to do, with not great meaning or importance. It can suck to be motivated by just boredom all the time, boredom and necessity. I've been through periods like that and it always made me feel depressed and longing for meaning.

I say "you" a lot but I really just mean "one", a person, and not you specifically.

EDIT: I do want to note, you said that you are young but have been close to death and didn't expect to live a long life. I doubt many posters can relate, I can't relate and honestly, it is quite normal for you to be thinking about it more than the average person. I forgot about that when I was writing this comment, just take it as a message to myself rather than to you, as these are things I have thought to myself in the past as well.

Cobra, I have re- read your first post and it does have a flavour of depression. You mention not having any enjoyment in life, suicide, and thoughts about death. Then again you do mention joy in the simple things.

If you entered counselling, it would be interesting to see where those things led. Are you angry, or stuck? Depression can be anger turned inward, most of it probably is. Look inwardly and be honest with yourself.

Trying to understand problems in life is not only an intellectual exercise, its an emotional one. To answer your question, life is one thing after another, whether it becomes Lasagne or salt is something else. Keep an emotion diary, identify what makes you unhappy, then begin to change it. One measure of intelligence is being able to solve your own problems, but the first hurdle is emotional, to accept it exists at all.

How has nothing to fear, worry about, or plan for manifested in you? Did/do you also experience the peace of mind? — Cobra

It took me many years to deprogram my youthful propagandizing to fear death without God's seal of approval. Other than the nagging question of losing a one-way ticket to heaven, I've never been much of a worrier about future events that I have no control over : que sera sera. Instead, my "peace of mind" probably results from an innate attitude toward Life & Death that is similar to Buddhism. I'm not talking about the various Buddhist religions, but the philosophical core of the Buddha's teachings regarding the mysteries & uncertainties of life. His precepts tended to be rational & objective instead of the emotional & subjective approaches of traditional religions. His key to peace on earth is not political activism to gain control over mass government, but to focus on gaining control over your "Self". Toward that end, he recommended the dispassionate notion of "no-self". By observing your inner neurotic feelings of Fear, Anger, and Anxiety objectively, you may learn to manage your irresistible urges and unconscious motivations. When you no longer "suffer" from the self-abuse of out-of-control feelings, you may begin to "experience peace of mind".

I should point out however, that while I am not religious, I am still "spiritual" in the sense of an interest in the metaphysical aspects of reality. I have developed my own personal worldview, to replace the abandoned religious mindset of my upbringing. And, ironically, the core axiom of that science-based overview of reality is what I call "G*D". That hypothetical Cause of Reality is not imagined as a personal Father-in-heaven or Lord-of-Lords, but as the Abstract Force behind the Creation and upwardly-mobile Evolution of our imperfect, but progressing, natural world. That rational conclusion doesn't inspire chop-licking anticipation of personal salvation for My-Self, but it does contribute a positive rationale for my day-to-day peace-of-mind. :cool:

G*D :
An ambiguous spelling of the common name for a supernatural deity. The Enformationism thesis is based upon an unprovable axiom that our world is an idea in the mind of G*D. This eternal deity is not imagined in a physical human body, but in a meta-physical mathematical form, equivalent to Logos. Other names : ALL, BEING, Creator, Enformer, MIND, Nature, Reason, Source, Programmer. The eternal Whole-of-which-all-temporal-things-are-a-part is not to be feared or worshiped, but appreciated like Nature.
I refer to the logically necessary and philosophically essential First & Final Cause as G*D, rather than merely "X" the Unknown, partly out of respect. That’s because the ancients were not stupid, to infer purposeful agencies, but merely shooting in the dark. We now understand the "How" of Nature much better, but not the "Why". That inscrutable agent of Entention is what I mean by G*D.
http://blog-glossary.enformationism.info/page13.html

Why Buddhism Is True : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Why_Buddhism_Is_True

"What happens after you no longer fear death? What comes next?"

This is merely one aspect of coming to terms with reality. However, release from this fear gives one the ability to move beyond the false enticements of idealism's abstractions. In their crudest expressions these take the form of celestial utopias, heaven, eternal rewards, new worlds, end of suffering etc. In more sophisticated expressions idealism takes the form of universal logical structures, private property, social hierarchy based on wealth or power.

I believe it was Mark Twain who said, 'it's a strange thing that people who have had to live should be afraid to die.'

What you are speaking of is only the smallest beginning of existential orientation. There are other things of which you must become aware, like the fact that your life is processed through a social structure, this structure accounts for and determines the nature of your social being. It is not enough to be a hedonist, this merely manifests that one is a nihilist, even if they don't confess to the term. Intellectuals have a social responsibility in society, it is not good enough to merely pursue one's own interest.

Hey, I've read this multiple times and appreciate the response and the time you took to expound a bit better.

I suppose when I say fear of death, it is not necessarily readily apparent. I would say many young people do not have a fear of death, but do live somewhat through death fears. It doesn't exist so much as an apparent fear, as it is so ingrained in all of human traditions, religions, behaviors, and norms. It's sly, and creeps up on you. It is a slow killing disease, and you wouldn't know it is there and you live accordingly by its infection until you have a few lapses that cause just enough sanity to philosophize your way into living.

And then in those with more keen awareness of immediate and sudden death, this is an anxiety, one you'd see in depressed and anxious patients, among others. I am talking more so of the former.

I've been pondering death quite a bit, as usual. It is a constant thought of mine, partly because I never expected to live a long life and have faced it quite a few times. The compulsive thoughts are not due to fear, but instead a loss of what to do next, and a curiosity in the loss of fear to be some sort of abnormality that would effect optimizing function and habits. — Cobra

I think you've diagnosed your own frustration right here. You say you no longer fear death, but you are clearly still very fixated on it. Seeing life through the prism of death is trying to understand a thing solely by considering its absence. You may not fear it, but it consumes your thoughts nonetheless.

Shift your focus. This is easy to say, hard to do. It requires daily effort and the willpower to maintain that effort over a period of time. There are various tools to help with this. Meditation, mantras, routinized physical activity such as yoga or tai chi, counseling, or joining a support group. The idea is to rewire where your mind goes by default in its resting state. Yours goes to death. No wonder you can't seem to "get into" life.

Choose your own reality. All reality is agreement reality anyway. Imagine yourself as you wish you were and then take logical steps to become that person. You say you wish you were not bored. What does that mean to you? Imagine a not bored person. Can you? What is that person like? What do they do? Visualize and emulate.

If you don't, you don't. There are no judges, no prizes, and no "answers". Life is truthfully what you make it. The key to it all is the "you" part.