I'm dysthymic. It doesn't affect me in any specific way and I don't do anything in particular about it, because it's so nebulous that it's in that area where it's really impossible to distinguish from a personality trait. My default state is one of mild depression, I generally don't enjoy things in a 'healthy' way, and am comfortable with ~12 hours of sleep when I can get it. Overall I have no particular love of life and cannot remember ever 'wanting' positively to live.

Epilepsy, but free of seizures for several years. A friend of mine, also with epilepsy, who had it under control for ten years, died during a seizure two weeks ago after his drugs suddenly stopped working.

Broken arm, healing.

Worried about heart attacks now that I'm in my 40s and still eating butter and bacon. Stopped smoking a few weeks ago.

I drink too much and get horribly depressed and ashamed when I'm hungover.

I get extremely dry cracked heels from wearing flipflops all the time.

I've always had tinnitus.

But generally good and, unlike TGW, loving life.

I'm not sure philosophy has made me feel better in any way. If anything I think being exposed to certain kinds of philosophies, like antinatalism, has dented my optimism. I'm quite impressionable. I'm not into philosophy for the self-help though, so that's okay.

I fall into a depressive state often, usually when anxious or in a state of boredom. I find that a large amount of sleep actually makes things worse. My usual mood is melancholic with short lived spurts of energy.

I am sorry to hear that you don't hold much vitality for life.

I don't think it's so unusual. My anecdotal experience is that people are a lot sadder generally than they say they are when you ask them, say in a setting like this. Really they're even sort of pathetic. So there's no reason to be sorry; it's a question of whether life is worth living (my own opinion of course is no).

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. That sounds awful.

I have experienced withdrawal from medication before and it sucks. Like, panic attack at two in the morning, barely able to breathe, just trying desperately to keep from losing control. Scary stuff, would not recommend.

When did you find out you had epilepsy?

I have to agree with you on philosophy. Philosophy has made me horribly depressed at times, but has also led me to many feelings of eudaimonia (such as when I "get something" and it "clicks") and liberation. A cursory, and thoroughly misinterpreted, introduction to antinatalist philosophy a few years back landed me in the hospital due to obsessional, suicidal thoughts. After that, I started therapy and was diagnosed with OCD. I'm okay for the most part now though.

Interesting that antinatalist philosophy made your guys depressed. I would think it would come as a sort of relief, or hope (no matter how false that hope might be), that there is a way to end suffering, that we don't have to live. That realization is liberating, even if ultimately unrealistic.

When did you find out you had epilepsy? — darthbarracuda

I have a strange narrative about this, which I don't trust despite its being how I remember things. When I was about 12 years old I had a seizure on the beach. I was temporarily away from my friends so nobody noticed. I woke up basically drunk, and missing large chunks of language--this is just what happens after a seizure--and staggered home with my friend (as it happens the brother of the guy who recently died), who thought I was play-acting, just being silly.

I didn't know this was an epileptic seizure and didn't think anything of it. I was unaware that I had--as now seems likely--lay on the sand convulsing for at least a few seconds. And yet when my physics teacher a couple of years later asked if there was anyone in the class who had epilepsy, I hesitatingly put up my hand. Nothing else had happened since that first episode, and I hadn't told my parents or been to the doctor.

Not long after, I had a seizure in front of my parents and I was diagnosed.

I don't want to say that "I just knew" or any of that mystical crap. Maybe I was just insightful. However I don't remember even knowing what epilepsy was or thinking about it at all.

People love drama. It's interesting, so long as it is not happening to them. Then it sucks.

If it helps at all, I've always treasured this quote (from a forgotten source): pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional. It's something that I try to apply to my life on a daily basis.

It's cute, too bad, like most aphorisms, it's bullshit. Suffering is not optional, and I think we all know that.

Interesting story. Thank you for sharing.

I remember the day I started getting tics from Tourette's Syndrome. I just had this weird feeling in my eyes, like I needed to roll them back in my head. So I did it, again, and again, and again, until I got one of the worst migraines of my life, culminating in me puking and wishing I could die. I was terrified that this was going to be my life.

What happened then? Did things get worse before they got better?

Well, it was like that for a while. I think I stayed home from elementary school the following day. I remember taking a lot of ibuprofen pills to cope with the headaches, because every day after school I would come home with a headache.

Luckily it calmed down after a while (months), during which my tics transitioned into different facial expressions and vocals, so my eyes got a break. It kind of goes in cycles. These days TS is a minor nuisance, but it is still visible if you talk to me for a while in person. I've learned to control and suppress the tics in certain situations like a speech or an interview, but every now and then they become really bad when I'm stressed or anxious. For example, when I am running a 5K, my tics can get bad because I'm stressed. Or when I'm taking a midterm exam. It's weird, and it's hard to explain the feeling. It's almost like my eyebrows (my current tic) feel heavy and are attached to a rubber band that is under tension, pulling them together.

My older sister has OCD, she also has obsessive thoughts, as well as behavior. She takes meds for it, as well as anxiety. My fifteen year old little brother has epilepsy, as well as fair sever autism, he's a really good guy, but he is often teased for not being bright. A few years ago, his meds stopped working well, and he wasn't being given them punctually, and he began to have several mini seizures a day, and then eventually grand mals, which was a terrible thing. He would make a flat noise, begin to drool, and then start to seize, his body temperature would sky rocket, and when he came out of it, he was so scared, and said how much they hurt. I felt so bad for him. Luckily he has had his meds adjusted, and hasn't had any seizures in a couple of years, taking them just when he is supposed to.

I've not been diagnosed with anything, but there is the thing where I think that I'm a pixied nosed anime girl. My psychiatrist assures me that it's everyone else that's crazy, and I'm great though. Why do they always do that? Damn my irresistible charm!

Interesting that antinatalist philosophy made your guys depressed. I would think it would come as a sort of relief, or hope (no matter how false that hope might be), that there is a way to end suffering, that we don't have to live. That realization is liberating, even if ultimately unrealistic. — The Great Whatever

It's depressing because it conflicts with society's view that life is worth starting.

I have started to view it as a tragicomic happening, and I try to make the most of the life I have.

Sorry to hear about your brother. Hopefully he will continue to be alright.

Regarding you being an anime girl:

The tragicomedy is a good angle for a while, but it wears off. Eventually, it's just more like a beating. Gratuitous, in poor taste, needs to stop.

Well, it seems like I haven't quite reached that point yet, if ever.

If we want to keep discussing this, maybe we ought to make a new thread so this one doesn't become confusing with two different topics.

I have split several comments from this discussion into a new discussion in the General Philosophy category: 'Depression, and it's philosophical implications'.

Thank you Sapientia. I was worried this thread would take a turn in that direction...

Question...

Which would be of interest?

My dyslexia I deal with daily that was undiscovered until I was 20 (while in college).

My brain tumor which explained a lot of my 'grouchy behavior' as well as cause me to sleep on average 2 hours and night over 10 years, while still being a full time athlete.

The subsequent drama of the ruptured artery in my head with no one home leading to a loss of 3 liters of blood in about 90 minutes, artificial coma, 4 operations, dramatic audio visual hallucinations, paradox reaction nightmares to anti-depressants for 3 days straight and oh... it nearly killed me. (sports career ending #1... uhh NOT!)

The mega comeback to cycling (one year after two previously mention things) only to have it cut short 2 days before the comeback race. Freak accident on the bike causing me to lose my bursa in the right elbow and my bet with the surgeon, during the surgery, that I can indeed still throw a baseball after the surgery. Oh... and I had a 20 year pause from baseball prior to this surgery too. (sports career ending injury #2... uhh NOT!)

My completely torn Achilles tendon that I walked on for the better part of 2 weeks before anyone discovered that indeed it was completely torn. (sports career ending injury #3... uhh NOT!)

My 70%+ tear of the calf muscle from the Achilles after playing a come back game of baseball, pitching (throwing a lot), but torn not from the game, but while walking to my car in the parking lot... I stepped into a hole) (sports career ending injury #4... uhh NOT!)

My torn meniscus left leg (40% removal), after my comeback from the previously mentioned Achilles issue. (sports career ending injury #5... uhh NOT!)

My fight with degenerative cervical radiculopathy, cause a whole host of problems. (sports career ending injury #6... uhh NOT!)

My mega torn meniscus on the right leg (70%+ removal), surgery about 8 weeks ago, that I played on the whole last season and was told that this is FINALLY it... it's over. (sports career ending injury #7... uhh NOT! ... went to training last Saturday and I can run faster than half the guys and still have game...)

Currently I have an issue with a 'loose body' in my throwing elbow. It's been there for over 4 years now and is finally giving me some pain. Here's the funny bit. It's invisible on the X-ray and Ultrasound, but you can feel it with your fingers. I sort of have a 'metaphysical loose body' inhabiting my elbow and need to get a willing surgeon to serve an eviction notice.

I keep wondering if this will be sports career ending injury #8 or if they have finally given up telling me that?

This might well describe my sports career thus far:



Meow!

GREG

Damn, that's a lot of injuries. A brain tumor also sounds scary. I've always wanted to get a brain scan, mostly just for shits and giggles, but also to make sure nothing malignant is going on in there. It's cool that you are able to look at it in a lighthearted way. MPatHG is one of my favorite movies.

The sort of funny thing about the brain tumor was that I 'figured it out' on my own.

I had to have a good number of 'anti-doping tests' due being a competitive cyclist. (they test more than any other sport, so it sort of figures that they catch people, eh?)

I keep track of my own records and began to make a 'blood pass' before there was such a thing. To do this, you need to have a history of blood tests that cover hormones as well as the usual blood test results.

After having 16 tests done over a 3 year period I noticed that all of my hormones, except for one (prolactin), were all over the chart with no consistency. Unlike most people who I mentioned this too, my thinking was the one factor that stayed more or less steady (consistently on the upper level) must be the problem. After numerous tests and doctors I sort of eliminated everything from a list of possible problems except for 'brain tumor'.

Problem is, this sort of tumor is very hard to diagnose and usually they find it when a patient begins to lose eyesight as it presses and kills the optic nerve.

I had to find a Neurologist who would allow me to get an MRI.

Difficult enough, but in Austria Neurology is connected with psychiatry and most of the Neurologist are also Psychiatrists.

Great!

So here I am a rather stressed person suffering from massive sleep deficiency going to a Neurologist/Psychiatrist ask for an MRI because I think I might have a brain tumor.

It took everything I had to sell the case and not be put into an observation clinic. :-O

Indeed, tumor about the size of a golf ball.

Get this...

... I was so happy to see that result. It was an explanation of what was going on and I knew what the next steps would be. Well... I thought so, as I ended up with nearly every complication possible.

Truth is, every injury and such I've had has been an ordeal that has somehow help me develop into who I am today. When I play baseball and do other activities I can honestly say this is a lot of stuff i really could have lived much better without, but hey... shit happens and I seem to have the ability to deal with this and move on.

If the next things finally kills my sports career, I'll be a bit disappointed, but hey... there is always another rock for me to shove up my own private Mt. Olympus. ;)

As I see it, it's all experiences to fill up a lifetime... the meaning comes after the fact, but that's not everyone's cup of tea.

Meow!

GREG

Truth is, every injury and such I've had has been an ordeal that has somehow help me develop into who I am today. When I play baseball and do other activities I can honestly say this is a lot of stuff i really could have lived much better without, but hey... shit happens and I seem to have the ability to deal with this and move on.

If the next things finally kills my sports career, I'll be a bit disappointed, but hey... there is always another rock for me to shove up my own private Mt. Olympus. — Mayor of Simpleton

I like you attitude. Cool story.

Great topic! :)

I have had two main issues in this life. One is a dental problem. Basically, I cannot eat on my back teeth - they do not touch each other, and there is a very large gap left when I close my mouth. The gap is huge - probably 2+cm - well huge in dentistry terms. It's large enough such that when a dentist sees me, they're like "*gasp* that can't be true, just close your mouth properly" ... and I'm like "Ummm... that's proper!" LOL :p . Some dentists have told me that you don't even see examples like me even in the textbooks lol. Anyway, I tried to fix it for about 8 years with all sorts of orthodontic treatments. They failed. So then, they wanted me to do a jaw surgery which can reposition the mandibula and close the mal-occlusion. I never wanted to, even though literarily all dentists I went to wanted me to. Finally I found a dentist who was willing to look into innovative alternatives. We ended up making ceramic extensions for all those back teeth which needed them. I can eat properly now. It's uncertain whether or not this can be a final solution. But I'm satisfied. I have defied the expectations for over 5 years with them already, never got a single cavity, even though I'm considered to be at a "high risk". Hell, never got a single cavity in my entire life... go figure...

As in how it affected me? Well not that much. Basically for a large part of the time I couldn't eat properly - it hurt to eat, because I had to bring my jaw forward to force the back teeth to touch together, which put a lot of stress on my mandibular joints (ultimately, if it kept going like that, they would wear out, and the pain would apparently become intolerable, or so I'm told lol). Now it doesn't hurt to eat, but I have adapted as well. Knowing my weakness, I tend to eat lots of soft stuff. Very little meat, don't like eating crunchy, hard things, which put a lot of stress on my mandibular joints. If you're at risk like me, you've gotta compensate for that increase of risk, by decreasing the stress applied to your weak part. As for aesthetics... well, none of this is visible. If I hadn't told you, you'd think my teeth were completely normal. When I smile, it seems like everything is normal, you never see the back teeth. Even some of my girlfriends didn't know... I mean can you believe that? Now with the extensions, it's like some cool antiques that I show people like - see? that's what I have in my mouth! And then watch their reactions lol. Day to day, it bothers me exactly 0 nowadays. It's perfect!

The other issue, I've been diagnosed with quite a few psychiatric conditions in the past, in my late teens. Now in my middle twenties, I never go to the psychiatrist - I've ditched them - and my symptoms and conditions are basically non-existent. I was diagnosed with Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Hypochondria, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder along the years. I used to take anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, and anxiety medication. I also got addicted to some of them (hell I took medication you were supposed to take for maximum 2 months for 6 months!). Now I never take any. I've stopped, it's been a few years already. How did I do it? Philosophy, mindfulness, sports. But philosophy has probably been the most essential out of the three. I mean, to me, it's normal to be worried about all sorts of absurd things - we are never taught how to think. I mean, when I wasn't a philosopher - I would wonder - why shouldn't I be worried that the sun will not rise tomorrow? I mean that's a possibility no? At least on a logical level? Why shouldn't I be worried that I have cancer? I mean it's possible - there are many young people out there with such life-threatening illnesses. How do I know I am not one of them? These are all meaningless questions for psychiatrists - they are just a symptom. They are also meaningless questions for me now - but that is because I understand what it is for a question to be meaningful, I understand when something is irrational. I know the criteria that can be used to judge these things. "Normal" people don't know the criteria most often. They just accidentally behave in a manner which is rational. So when they see someone behaving otherwise (irrationally) - they can't understand it. Because in truth - they themselves are not rational - they are just faking it out of habit. They are totally incapable to specify more geometrico (pace Spinoza lol) why it is irrational to think these things. Once I understood - I gained my freedom. And anyone can - provided they're willing to work and sweat for their salvation.

Glad to see your dental and psychological health is doing alright. Hopefully the heart thing isn't anything.

What fun!

Currently, several herniated discs in my cervical spine. As far as I know, I still carry a stent in me from the heart attack I had a few years ago. I'm not sure whether skull fractures go away; I think they do. Anyway, I had three of them and a perforated eardrum and Bells Palsy as a result of a car accident. The odd slow-blinking eye and twisted mouth I had as a result of the palsy went away eventually, spoiling my dream of being a pirate-lawyer with an eye patch and a leering smirk, charming judges and juries. Kidney stone last year. Those hurt like hell, by the way. Mostly old guy stuff outside of the accident.

As for physical issues, my right knee is bad, I was reminded of that today. Yesterday at yoga they had like a whole class about working up to a variation of pigeon pose, a balancing kind, "flying pigeon", I'm a frequent goer, and never do pigeon, which most classes involve one couple minute one near the end, but I forego it for a variation that my knee can handle. I don't speak much to anyone, and it probably wasn't about me, but I totally should have just left. Not that I've been to a doctor, but pretty sure it is cartilage damage, and when I bend my knee a certain way, it pops, and hurts for a minute, if I do it twice, it hurts for a few hours, three times and it will be sore for a couple of days. More than that in a single day, and I can barely walk on it, it will swell right up, and be sore for a week or two. Popped it three times during that yoga class, and then showing off today at work I was carrying two bundles up the ladder (which I can do now, and is almost my body weight), and had a moment of knee instability, and popped it again, and a second time while crouching near the edge of the roof -- so right now it hurts a lot. I'll have to break out the knee brace for a week or two, I guess.

I have facetiositus: the frequent inability to control the impulse to treat serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humour.

Only because no one beat me to it: Phallus erectus gigantus.

This might help, as it must be one of the earliest documented cases of your 'affliction':



Meow!

GREG