First, you want to win the sympathy. To win sympathy, you need to show interest in people. Only if you are interested in them just to gain sympathy, you are not really interested: your focus is not on them, but on you, then that will fail. So the practice is about teaching yourself to have a genuine interest in people. In other words, I don’t need to think about sympathy. Because? Because it is implied, I will have sympathy anyway. If I’m really interested in listening to the person, he’ll sympathize with me even if I’m not thinking about it; so why am I going to try to win sympathy, if sympathy is already built in? So the focus shifts from winning sympathy to genuine interest, and so on many other things. I mean, there will be a change in the axis of conduct, and then you will see that the sympathy you want to win is not worth the effort, because it is very easy.

For example, I have a theory: there is no unrequited love. Let’s say, your love is unrequited when you’re dying of pity for yourself because that person didn’t pay attention to you. So you’re mortally in love with yourself, you’re taking care of yourself, so of course the woman won’t even call you. But if you have true love for her, want her well, want her happiness and forget about you, she will love you anyway. It is irresistible. So the problem is not how I will win the lady’s love, the problem is: how I will truly love her! When you have it, it is irresistible. Most people do not know true love, total and definitive love. If they knew it, they would know that it, unlike partial and temporary loves, is ALWAYS reciprocated. Infallibly.

Love is about attraction, passion, lust come together with true kindness and generosity, and in such a way that one thing is indiscernible from the other: only then do you have love. If there is dualism, it’s over, it doesn’t work.

So, for example, you are in love with so-and-so. Are you sure that marrying you is the best thing she can do in her life? You can say: “There is no one better for you than me!” Are you sure about this? If you’re not sure, how can you want this for the woman, and still say it’s out of love? You want to screw with her life. Now, if you think and say: “No, in fact, she will not have a better one than me, I am the best because I am more sincere, I really like her, I am this, I am that and I am even beautiful and yummy, etc. So I want this for her because I want her to be happy.” Then you will not arrive with shyness and such because you know that what you are offering is good. And if she doesn’t want to, then she’s a jerk.

Through culture, you forget about yourself and start to have bigger concerns that encompass you and that solve the first ones: this is how you move to another level of understanding. So you leave the subjectivism of adolescence because you know that you have true love for one person or for several people, not only in the sexual domain, of course. And notice well: if you have true love and that love is rejected, you don’t feel depressed, you don’t feel diminished, you feel sorry for the person, you say: “What a bitch! This woman doesn’t want to, she wants to get screwed. Damn it, I’m not here to waste time with an idiot”. I mean, as your concern goes up, you lose that fear, that fear of not being accepted, of not being liked. Because being liked is the easiest thing in the world! Why waste so much time on this bullshit? You don’t have to! Have a genuine interest, have a true love for people, and they will like you; and if they don’t like it, then you’ll be sure they’re stupid.

In short, you gradually extract yourself from the judgment of others as you gain certainty of your intentions. It is not that you will despise the opinion of others — we should never despise the opinion of others — you simply do not need it because you already know what you are doing.

Love is not a feeling: it is a decision, an act of will and a deep existential commitment. Feelings vary, but love remains. Those who did not understand this did not come even close to maturity. It is an inner oath to defend your loved one to death, even when he sins seriously against you. Love is really, as Jesus said, to die for the loved one. When we expect love to make our lives more pleasant, instead of sacrificing our lives for it, we are without love and life. Love is the most fearful of challenges, but when you know it, you never want anything else. Feeling is just an initial fleeting stimulus. The leap into true love is a free act.