Depression, rage, loneliness and fear — Cynical Eye

Have you ever thought of what is within our control and what is outside of our control? All the events that happen to you in life that initially cause these emotions cannot be controlled. Fortune will have its way with you however it wants, us too, Ik it sucks. But anything within yourself, specifically the emotions, you can control. So, I can't stop from getting jumped and robbed by men twice my size. Nor can I successfully stop the rage the first time it comes around, or even the depression afterwards; what did I do to deserve this? Or the loneliness when you realize there's no one close enough who would've dove into combat with you. Or the fear when you realize everyone else is like those men. Maybe not the first time these things come around. But over time, and through repeated attempts at rationalizing my goodness and compassion in the face of hate and spite. If we give up the debate inside ourselves to continue being kind and compassionate, what are we then?

I need a friend too, still haven't gotten one, I can only depend on arguments like ^ for my sanity.
Check out Stoicism if you don't know whats up.

That is why I just need a friend. Not someone who would just take the gun away from my head and replace it with a flower, but someone who would take the gun away, and teach me how to aim on those people that piss me off, teach me how to fire, and pass me bullets when mine are finished.

You know why it's hard for me to make friends now, eh? — Cynical Eye

Well, I don't know you, but, yes, if you say things to people you meet like what you said above, they'd want to stay out of gunshot range. If you said that to me and I believed it, I would find someone close to you and tell them about it.

One thing I would warn you about, this site is full of depressed people. That might make you feel at home or, if you believe them too much, drive you deeper into yourself. I think this forum can be a dangerous place for vulnerable people. The people here are also extremely smart and observant and they write really well. You express yourself well also, which is a valuable thing.

I've spent much of my life in fear. It kept me from getting the things I want because I was too afraid to ask for them. Actually, you don't ask for them, you let people into your heart and they give them to you for free. But you have to give things to them for free first.

I will tell you this, things can get better. For me it was therapy and an anti-anxiety drug. It has made a huge difference. It didn't answer all my problems, but it allowed me to take the first steps.

Please be careful.

But anything within yourself, specifically the emotions, you can control. — Frank Barroso

Speaking from personal experience, this is not true for many people, including myself. It can also be self-defeating if controlling yourself means being more alienated than you were before. Learning not to control my feelings is an important part of the path I have found for myself. Different people have different paths.

Also, if you want to be cheered up, read the Joke of the Day thread. Brilliant jokes, really funny. And then there's stuff by @Nils Loc too.

Speaking from personal experience, this is not true for many people, including myself. It can also be self-defeating if controlling yourself means being more alienated that you were before. Learning not to control my feelings is an important part of the path I have found for myself. Different people have different paths. — T Clark

That argument would be just one of the many ways one could resolve a traumatizing event in one's ego, I agree with you. But, even if people don't realize it, I think people choose the emotions they experience. If you could consciously overwrite an experience (with enough practice), you would do it, no one would willingly suffer injustice when one could simply banish the suffering from one's mind. And, I think in daily conversation it happens like this too. Someone might say something uncomfortable and someone else might immediately ostracize the topic because its touchy. If we run a selective process for most of what we do(down to where I eat, poop, and sleep) then I'd say its fair to assume we can choose our emotions too.

I'd also like to say I did make it a point it's not a one-step solution. I can't stop these emotions initially just as much as anybody else. But if 10 years from now your whining about the same thing that happened...

But, even if people don't realize it, I think people choose the emotions they experience. If you could consciously overwrite an experience (with enough practice), you would do it, no one would willingly suffer injustice when one could simply banish the suffering from one's mind. — Frank Barroso

I tried to write my post in a way that didn't contradict, but added to, the comment you made. I just wanted CE to know that different things work for different people.

One of the standard and appropriate responses to announcements that one is very depressed, rageful, lonely, and fearful is to recommend that they do something about it, like making an appointment at a mental health clinic and getting a combination of talk therapy and antidepressants.

I've been depressed too, for decades, and at times have been full of rage, lonely, and suicidal (or murderous). I have taken antidepressants and received talk therapy. Do they help? Yes. Are they a full and sufficient cure? No. "Therapy means change, not adjustment" is true. In my own case, early retirement (at age 62) helped bring an end to all the sturm and drang.

It sounds like you are a young person. Many young people are finding life difficult; it isn't that they are starving and freezing in the streets, but life isn't making a lot of sense to them. Practically, I can suggest a couple of home remedies:

Be sure that you are getting at least 8 hours of normal sleep. (Adequate sleep (8 hours) is a critical component of mental health -- for everybody.)

Don't use recreational drugs or alcohol at this time. The effects of the various recreational drugs on offer are somewhat unpredictable, and they aren't a component of good mental health.

Minimize the amount of caffeine you are consuming in coffee, tea, and soft drinks. Some caffeine is ok, but you don't need to be wound up anymore than you already are.

Do exercise regularly at whatever kind of vigorous exercise you like.

Eat a healthy diet.

Find opportunities to be with other people whose company you enjoy, or at least don't find too irritating. Volunteering is one way to do this. Don't isolate yourself too much.

Practicing meditation / yoga might help, too.

Having said all that, I'll admit to suspecting that many people are not actually depressed. What they are is extremely disappointed, very lonely, and angry. If that is the case, antidepressants might calm you down, but they won't address whatever it is that is bugging you. Deal with the causes. One of the purposes of counseling is to help people deal with their issues and their causes.

Good luck.

We can't all be smart, funny, coherent and planning toward progress like T Clark. But you can laugh if you try.



Uncontrollable laughter is far worse than depression though, if you ask me.

Everyone everything I see just pisses me off, it really wears me out, and sometimes even to a point where I can't live comfortably with it, but it's mercy, compassion and forgiveness I lack, not rationality. Well, not yet. — Cynical Eye

I work closely with disadvantaged young girls and they often present me with similar emotions that you have attempted to convey here, but the rage is being directed or expressed for the wrong reasons. I have met with families and can see the psychological abuse, whereby some of these girls are told that they are 'bad' or 'wrong' when in actuality they are not, in addition to the opinion that their parents are always correct. Conversely, these parents being in a disadvantaged position have absolutely no idea what they are doing and believe that taking a negative approach and being authoritarian is the only way to approach parenting. Together, they formulate the assumption that if a parent tells their child that they are bad that it must be the truth. So, subconsciously these girls know that they are not 'bad' or 'wrong' but they also believe that a parent is always correct and in their confusion become emotionally distressed. When they become emotionally distressed, they need to release it in some way and we each of us do it in various ways; some start to fight with others or get angry very quickly, others cry and take pity on themselves, some become sexually promiscuous but they are all essentially doing the same thing. They are all trying to say that they deserve to be loved.

There is nothing wrong with you, you are just learning about being yourself or finding what is important to you and not what you have been taught. There is nothing wrong with the world around you or the people in it either, you are just expressing your confusion and projecting it to them. You need to find the root causes of this distress and see it objectively. Your parents, for instance, are just normal people or what you were taught to be gospel as a child may actually be wrong or at least unsuitable to what you want to do with your own life. Whatever that conflict is, you need to have the courage to find it. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. ;)

One thing I would warn you about, this site is full of depressed people. That might make you feel at home or, if you believe them too much, drive you deeper into yourself. I think this forum can be a dangerous place for vulnerable people. The people here are also extremely smart and observant and they write really well. You express yourself well also, which is a valuable thing. — T Clark

There's nothing inherently wrong with being depressed? If we can agree on that, then what's the point of pointing it out?

Some people just like to wallow in their depression. I do.

I know that some people might find it unimaginable to accept their diagnosis of depression; however, they seem like the hardest cases to treat, and at a predisposition to contemplate suicide more-so than the person that just accepts their predicament and moves on in life being depressed or not depressed.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being depressed? If we can agree on that, then what's the point of pointing it out?

Some people just like to wallow in their depression. I do. — Posty McPostface

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I know depression, but anxiety has always been what hurt the most. There's nothing wrong with being depressed, but giving advice to a depressed person is very dangerous. I've noticed that a lot of people on this forum do not treat vulnerable people with the restraint they need and deserve.

I am not talking about you in particular, but it's true - this forum is not necessarily a safe place for people who are struggling.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I know depression, but anxiety has always been what hurt the most. There's nothing wrong with being depressed, but giving advice to a depressed person is very dangerous. I've noticed that a lot of people on this forum do not treat vulnerable people with the restraint they need and deserve.

I am not talking about you in particular, but it's true - this forum is not necessarily a safe place for people who are struggling. — T Clark

I can't argue over anxiety, it is rather a difficult emotion to deal with.

But, I fail to see how this forum and depression can have anything in common. Even if this place is, as you say, full of depressed people, there's probably no better place to find some information about how to deal with depression than this forum. You do know that philosophy is a form of self-therapy, right, and the general sentiment hereabouts is that depression is not an inherent evil.

Hi all,
Like most of us I have suffered with my emotions and been diagnosed with numerous 'diorders' from anxiety & manic depressive to aspergers, No diagnosis exactly fitted and no diagnosis or treatment ever helped (this is not to say that it would not be of assistance to others).
In my experience in this chaotic and messed up world the problem lies in emotional responses both responses of other and my own.
I think emotions both positive and negative are very important and I don't think effort should be spent trying to control them but spent understanding their source.
I have found success in accepting my emotions and trying to understand how I got to the emotional state that I would currently be in. I understanding that our emotional responses are generally deeply embedded from previous experiences a lot of them from a very young child. These automatic response once thoroughly understood and understood as fallible can be changed.
For instance i quite often watch people when a fault we have made is pointed out, In a matter of second go from a feeling of embarrassment to ashamed and self loathing then to victim and defence then to anger and aggression.
Our emotions very quickly snowball and rather than accepting a fault and being grateful for now knowing better we have lashed out in anger all because we initially felt embarrassed.
If we look back and think about this embarrassment and see we should have never felt that emotion in the first place because making mistakes is all part of learning then next time we have a fault pointed out to us we may be more likely to appreciate the correction instead of feeling horrible and lashing out in anger or aggression.
I could give many examples of this snowballing effect as I see it every day and I still subject myself to it constantly.
What I'm trying to get at is that if we spend time tracing our emotions back to the original response we will find that it is open derived from one emotion which did not served the situation appropriately in the first place. In the same respect when someone appears to be reacting irrationally try to think about how they may have came to that place emotionally.
It is astonishing how much most of us are emotionally inept. I am certainly still far from stable in this respect but am constantly working at it.
Taking the time to trace back my own and other people irrational emotional responses has made people around me somewhat easier to understand and deal with.

I know I don't articulate my thoughts very well I am a little messed up.
I will strongly urge anyone struggling with emotions to firstly read 'As a man thinketh' by James Allen and also 'thinking fast and slow' by Daniel Kahneman.

I've come to a place a few time where I I thought my thinking to much was hurting me but I kept thinking about it I learnt a little more and now lonely isn't so lonely.

A lot of us are a bit crazy, I think acknowledging, exploring and playing with it is healthier than suppressing it with drugs.

I know I don't articulate my thoughts very well I am a little messed up.
I will strongly urge anyone struggling with emotions to firstly read 'As a man thinketh' by James Allen and also 'thinking fast and slow' by Daniel Kahneman. — Another

I think you expressed yourself well. I think there is danger of using philosophy as a kind of therapy, but listening to you and others on this forum, I realize that for some people, it works. It lets people use what they are best at to deal with their problems.

I think there is danger of using philosophy as a kind of therapy — T Clark

I agree that these forums may not be the safest place for someone struggling but I don't understand why philosophy itself would not be safe. A search for a different view and a better understanding would be the best place to start in my opinion. I'm not saying you're wrong I'm just not sure what u mean by this.
When struggling your view or actions are evidently not working for you and change should be subscribed, certainly listening to just one person's opinion would not be advised but a scope of different views and evidence would be required to make change would it not?
I often in questioning myself find my own faults but more often question my own thoughts whilst listening to others.
Please elaborate.

I often in questioning myself find my own faults but more often question my own thoughts whilst listening to others.
Please elaborate. — Another

Some people are desperate and vulnerable. Philosophy, which turns your mind back in on itself, might be exactly the wrong thing for them. I think for philosophy to be a help, you need to be standing on a stable platform. Are you? Is Cynical Eye? We need to treat everyone respectfully, but we also have a responsibility to look out after each other. Insight into other people is not necessarily the strong suit of some people on this forum.

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Some people are desperate and vulnerable. Philosophy, which turns your mind back in on itself, might be exactly the wrong thing for them. I think for philosophy to be a help, you need to be standing on a stable platform. Are you? Is Cynical Eye? We need to treat everyone respectfully, but we also have a responsibility to look out after each other. Insight into other people is not necessarily the strong suit of some people on this forum. — T Clark

OK yes, In hindsight I often feel very foolish and kick myself for getting to caught up in my own thoughts. This can definitely be detrimental That is a good point.
It is also true Iinsight into other people is not a strong suit for most people, but when someone appear asking for help or guidance should one not offer the a well thought out advise.
OK I guess there it is - not everyone's advise is well thought out.
I hope I did not come across as disrespectful this was certainly not my intention, I can certainly empathize with these problems and mean no harm.

I hope I did not come across as disrespectful this was certainly not my intention, I can certainly empathize with these problems and mean no harm. — Another

You didn't seem disrespectful at all. For me, the point of the forum is to bash ideas around and see what works. It's competitive. Recreational. Playful. Sometimes people show up and it seems like they are really searching and maybe lost. They need and deserve to be taken seriously. My heart goes out to them and I want to protect them from the rough and tumble this forum sometimes is.

Understood and agreed(Y)

Sometimes people show up and it seems like they are really searching and maybe lost. — T Clark

Then what do you suggest we do about them? The only thing that comes to my mind is to count on others who have felt lost or felt angst and found what they were looking for.

They need and deserve to be taken seriously. — T Clark

And we do take them seriously. If something is beyond the ability on these forums to do, then we often tell the person that professional help is what is the best solution.

My heart goes out to them and I want to protect them from the rough and tumble this forum sometimes is. — T Clark

Fortunately, there are good people on these forums. I won't mention any because I would have to mention them all, and there are so many.

Fortunately, there are good people on these forums. I won't mention any because I would have to mention them all, and there are so many. — Posty McPostface

It has nothing to do with being good. I has to do with knowing how to take care of people. How to look out after them.

But anything within yourself, specifically the emotions, you can control — Frank Barroso

That's what I've been learning for so many years. And it's indeed really hard to do. Sometimes the emotions take over you and you are just all paralyzed.
But yes thanks for reminding me that, I'll keep that in mind.

I will tell you this, things can get better. For me it was therapy and an anti-anxiety drug. It has made a huge difference. It didn't answer all my problems, but it allowed me to take the first steps. — T Clark

I've gotten through so many different types of therapy and seen different psychiatrists and taken different medicines. But they weren't much help. Oh maybe I can't say that. They did help, in the beginning, I became so much stable than I was before taking the meds. But after a long time I became addicted to them, I relied on them. They were supposed to keep me stable so that I can functioning properly in daily life but it became the other way round: I became unstable when I stopped taking them.
It was a long, tough process to get rid of them but I made it anyway. And I'm not going back on that road again.
But yeah I agree, it doesn't solve the problem, but it helps you to at least be in a condition where you can still have a chance to solve the problem.

thank you so much, really. Of course it might not help after all but it's always nice to see when someone puts in effort

It's hard to do all these when you have no motivation at all, you just sit there and complain but then you don't feel like doing anything to change.
Well it's a bad cycle I know but I can't help it.

A lot of us are a bit crazy, I think acknowledging, exploring and playing with it is healthier than suppressing it with drugs. — Another

I agree with this, and I'm just learning how to play it safe.

It has nothing to do with being good. I has to do with knowing how to take care of people. How to look out after them. — T Clark

You gotta be good to be willing to learn how to take care of others and take care of them in the right way.

thank you so much, really. Of course it might not help after all but it's always nice to see when someone puts in effort — Cynical Eye

TimeLine has responded to you above. I don't think there is anyone on this forum who has thought more about how to use philosophy to deal with her demons. Her way isn't mine, but I respect it very much. I suggest you read more of her stuff.

I've gotten through so many different types of therapy and seen different psychiatrists and taken different medicines. But they weren't much help. — Cynical Eye

I never express to people that they should go into therapy. I just wanted to relay my experience to you. That doesn't change the fact that things can get better.

I never express to people that they should go into therapy. I just wanted to relay my experience to you. That doesn't change the fact that things can get better. — T Clark

Yeah I gotcha