• Nils Loc
    1.3k
    Sometime in elementary school I remember having an agonizing moment about the inevitability of death of loved ones while watching a film (Steel Magnolias). I wonder if this is an experience that most kids have sometime or another in their lives and whether it would be different if we were exposed to the concept earlier in our lives and or talked about it more.

    As an adult I've never seen a dead person in person, though I've walked past white curtains over a car wreck. In 2nd grade we took a field trip to the house of a classmate who had Leukemia and we're told that he would pass on, were informed about his disease and his life. I think Sesame St. also had something on having a funeral for a dead butterfly.

    Is there any explanation for the taboo surrounding death in our current Western culture?

    Were you exposed to any kind of education regarding death in school or your private life?

    Should we expose children to the dead in a sort of communal setting early on as a way to mollify this fear or is this a bad idea?

    Anyone have hospice experience and has it changed how you think about the dead and dying?
  • praxis
    6.2k
    Is there any explanation for the taboo surrounding death in our current Western culture?Nils Loc

    I'm guessing basic fear.

    Were you exposed to any kind of education regarding death in school or your private life?Nils Loc

    I was taught to avoid it whenever possible.

    Should we expose children to the dead in a sort of communal setting early on as a way to mollify this fear or is this a bad idea?Nils Loc

    I think it's a good idea, however, it would seem necessary to have sufficient context and not merely expose them to the dead. I suppose that means religion for most, and some sort of philosophy or meaningful secular outlook for the rest.

    Anyone have hospice experience and has it changed how you think about the dead and dying?Nils Loc

    My mother had in-home hospice care at the end. It seemed ideal, given the circumstances. Far better than dying in a hospital bed attached to tubes and various machines. Perhaps your interest is with hospice care workers though.

    I recently read a book called Being Mortal that somewhat changed how I look at aging and death. It's a rather depressing read, in how the elderly are so marginalized, and in contemplating the prospect of eventual disease and death. In terms of well-being, in many cases, the best way to die may not be aggressively fighting to live. You may even live longer not fighting it.
  • Nils Loc
    1.3k
    I'm guessing basic fear.praxis

    The fear is culturally supported though by the taboo. I'm not sure if it was Thailand or Malaysia but there was a Nat. Geo article about poor folks living inside a cemeteries exposed openly to the remains of the dead. Families will exhume their relatives and takes pictures with them, with young kids present. The smoked corpses of some Papua New Guinea tribes is something most Westerners would find truly disturbing (the definition of nightmare fuel). In parts of Africa they pose the deceased in a scene which illustrates what they did in life, even as they bloat and rot, while folks eat and party nearby.

    Whereas our culture seems to strictly keep the dead out of sight and mind. We cold put it down to the fear of disease I guess, an emerging formality around the natural disgust toward things that are dead and our hygienic expectations.

    I was taught to avoid it whenever possible.praxis

    I guess I was fishing for an anecdote or recollection. I can't imagine any mother or f
    ather sitting their kid down and saying directly how their kids ought to avoid death. Anything that harms us without killing us can teach us to avoid death. I'm not sure telling anyone not to do something is always that effective. Was there any moment of stress about death in your childhood that you remember?

    My mother had in-home hospice care at the end. It seemed ideal, given the circumstances. Far better than dying in a hospital bed attached to tubes and various machines.praxis

    When I look back at how my grandmother died, to a lesser extent my grandfather, I feel that they were somewhat neglected by family out of convenience. My gran became very difficult to deal with due to strokes and she was kind of left to a care facility which drugged her to keep her manageable. Yes, I don't think we treat the elderly all that well but part of the problem is that sometimes they don't resemble who they used to be.

    There was a case of a doctor recently being held accountable for the murder of 25 near-death do-not-necessitate patients because he ordered lethal doses of painkillers for all of them. Seems like what he did wasn't all that terrible but I guess the law is the law.
  • praxis
    6.2k
    Was there any moment of stress about death in your childhood that you remember?Nils Loc

    Not that I can recall. No one I knew died, which I imagine would have brought it to my attention if nothing else did. The earliest that I can remember someone I knew dying was when I was around 13. A neighbor drowned while snorkeling about 100 yards from our house. He was spearfishing and got stuck in a cave. I never understood how that happened because he was something of a waterman, surfer, young and fit, and he dived there a lot. Thinking about it now, I suppose he may have been drunk and/or stoned. Anyway, he was the first dead body I ever saw, though for only an instant from the shoreline when they pulled his body onto the small coastguard boat.

    I don't recall being stressed about it, just mystified because the place where he drowned didn't appear dangerous to me at all. It was just a small cave.
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