The Path to Contentment: Live in the Absence of Fear
  • ovdtogt
    667
    At the age of 19 having finished high school I was severely depressed, but at that stage not realizing that this was 'abnormal' in any way because I had been depressed ever since I could remember. But leaving High School I had to contend with loneliness and no idea how I wanted to continue my life. That scared the hell out of me. I was born in NZ but lived in Holland. I had the idea of traveling overland to NZ via India. Saved up some money and started traveling. Having traveled through Europe, Middle East I ended up in South Africa, where I lived for 3 years. I was unable to hold on to a job and was faced with the prospect of running out of money. I decided to return to Holland where I found myself even more miserable than when I left. Again after saving up some more money I flew to Bangkok, but eventually went from Australia to end up in NZ .

    Instead of having found a purpose in my life I was even more in despair: extremely lonely and poor. It was at this point I stopped to reflect on my life and try to discover why I had become such a failure. Having sought 'refuge' in a McDonald's I started to write down my thoughts. This helped me find clarity in mind and formulate my guiding principle which has shown me the way to place of (relative) peace and contentment in which I find myself today.

    The most important is: Live in the Absence of Fear.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    Live in the Absence of Fear. — ovdtogt

    So, the logical progression, what we're you running away from by all this travel, and discontentment with staying in one place for a while?
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    True. I was running away from my fears: fear of failure and fear of loneliness. By returning, I accepted defeat and decided to reconconcile myself with the fact that I was a failure and would probably be lonely for the rest of my life.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    I don't see the connection with depression here. Is it something that sets in once you establish yourself? I mean it either takes a lot of motivation to move around the world and work and keep on moving, which was driven by fear, which I am unsure of, or anxiety.

    Are you very anxious?
    Shawn Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    Perhaps the most important question, is... do you feel safe and content that you have realized your plan to be back in your home country?
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    Depression causes loneliness. Loneliness causes fear. Fear caused me to travel (escape loneliness and fear of failure). Travel heightens anxiety and fear: trapped in a vicious cycle of fear and flight. Once I realized this trap I was in I decided to return to Holland where at least I felt physically safe. All that remained was overcoming my fear of loneliness and failure which made me travel in the first place. Simply stated: fear you try to ignore or escape from will haunt you. Your inner fears have to be confronted to be overcome.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    Depression causes loneliness. — ovdtogt

    Yes, I think it goes in a loop with the two.

    How has your social life been or any relationships if I may be so bold?

    You seem confident, assertive, and know what you want. So, I think in the very least you have achieved some stability in your life, which would be reinforced by finding perhaps a significant other(?)
    Shawn Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    Once I realized this trap I was in I decided to return to Holland where at least I felt physically safe. — ovdtogt

    Yes, I'm somewhat lost here. Are you currently in Holland or in New Zealand?

    I don't know if I would even be able to decide between the two of I had the money to settle in either one of them. Haha.
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    Yes I have. I confessed to my significant other on our first date that I considered myself a failure and despite that she did not reject me. We have been living together for 25 years. At the time I lived on the dole(foodstamps) and no friends. I still don't have any friends as I am incapable of making or keeping friends.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    Wow, congratulations then! I guess whereof one cannot speak I shall remain silent.
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    I live in Holland even though I think in English and prefer to converse in English. Boredom is a problem I have to contend with as I avoid all social interaction and crowds. Watching TV and playing the piano helps alleviate the boredom.
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  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    This forum has payed handsome dividends in terms of alleviating my boredom.

    Who is your favorite philosopher?
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    When I travelled, various snippets of songs came to me i.e. Janus Joplin " Freedom is another word for nothing left to lose". I am very inspired under the influence of THC. I have very poor eyesight which prevents me from doing much reading. My philosophical thoughts are based on ideas arising from popular culture like, fairytales, legends and the Bible. I have never been able to get into the ideas of the great philosophers Socrates, Plato, Kant, Nietsche. I think I am slightly drawn towards Existentialism.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    Hmm, so you have no favorite philosopher?
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    I have discovered that many of the ideas I ascribe to can be found in Buddhism which is in essense 'positive nihilism'. The search for neutrality: absence of fear, pain and suffering in general. Not the 'sense' of happiness/joy (Epicurean) but the absense of unhappiness/misery as guiding principle.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    Cool. I like Buddhism a lot; but, as a Westerner I struggle with the sheer elegance that is Buddhist thought in practice. It requires some guidance to implement, I suppose.
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    Buddhism is a method to defeat suffering. It does not seek happiness. It is to relieve unhappiness. It believes we are the unwitting slaves of our fears and desires. It focuses mainly on the consequences of seeking pleasure as the source of much suffering. E.i. the acquisition of possessions as the cause of poverty. The fear of loneliness and boredom makes us desire wealth and status.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    ↪ovdtogt


    I just wallow around. There's an element to Buddhist thought that at once I admire and at the same time my whimsically wallowing nature won't allow me to take too seriously.

    It's not a way of life for the faint hearted, and unless briefed or groomed from a young age it seems to me very hard to actually adopt.

    Furthermore, there's no real authority on Buddhism apart from the Tibetan flavor, which can drive us Westerners mad. We like authority.
    Shawn Options
  • ovdtogt
    667
    ↪Wallows
    Consider Buddhism a tool, like a hammer: you only use it if you want to hammer in a nail. Or perhaps a better analogy a compas when you are disoriented. If you are reasonably content with your life you have no need for any kind of 'religion'.
    BTW I hate authority. It tends to be dumb as a pile of bricks.
    ovdtogt Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    If you are reasonably content with your life you have no need for any kind of 'religion'. — ovdtogt

    I think as content as humanly possible. I'm relatively a young adult, but after having gone through ups and downs in my life I try and manage my desires as much as possible and within some reasonable means to allow me to live in a state of some sense of stability.

    Besides it's easier on the pocket, and I'm a pretty lazy bloke.
    Shawn Options
  • Shawn
    13.3k
    BTW I hate authority. It tends to be dumb as a pile of bricks. — ovdtogt

    Yeah... It can be, but, it's kind of necessary, don't you think?
    Shawn Options
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