• TranscendedRealms
    124
    There are people out there who claim love isn't a feeling, and that it's a choice. I disagree with this, based upon my own personal experience. If you google "Love is not a feeling," then you'll come across all sorts of articles that claim love isn't a feeling, and that it's everlasting. I personally think love can only be a transient feeling. I'd, for example, know if I was sad or not. If I wasn't feeling sad, then it would be quite obvious to me that I'm not sad. The same idea applies to love. When I can't feel love, it's quite obvious to me that I'm unable to love anybody or anything.

    This leads me to the conclusion that love can only be a feeling. To say that love isn't a feeling, and that it's the choice of doing kind, helpful deeds for your soul mate, would be no different than saying that sadness isn't a feeling, and that it's the choice of going to your soul mate's funeral. Also, there are people who'd say that love is a mindset. For example, if a serial killer performed loving acts to deceive and lure in unsuspecting victims, then people would say that's not love because the serial killer's mindset wasn't a loving one. But, love comes down to either being: 1.) A mindset, or 2.) A feeling. I think it can only be a feeling.

    A loving mindset alone can't allow a person to love anybody or anything, just as how a sad or angry mindset alone can't allow a person to be sad or angry. A loving mindset needs to take on an emotional form (i.e. it needs to make a person feel love), so that the person can love. It would be like how a sad or angry mindset needs to make a person feel sad or angry in order for the person to be sad or angry. Unfortunately, there are factors that prevent a loving mindset from making us feel love, such as having a mental illness, having brain damage, or just having stress in your life. An example of a mental illness that prevents us from feeling love would be clinical depression.

    That means clinically depressed soul mates can't love one another, no matter what they think, and no matter what kind deeds they do for each other. Of course, there will be moments where these clinically depressed soul mates can love one another, since there are moments where clinically depressed people are able to feel positive emotions, such as love, pride, and joy. But, there wouldn't be that many moments, which means it would hardly be a loving relationship. Lastly, not only do we require positive emotions to love and experience joy, but we also require them to see goodness, beauty, magnificence, and awesomeness in moments, things, situations, works of art, and life itself. That's been my personal experience.
  • Shawn
    11.8k
    What about it being a higher order volition instead of a feeling?
  • Possibility
    2.4k
    The way I see it, love is neither just a feeling nor just a mindset. It is a choice or volition in that it’s the initial act of a subjective experience - so it’s both.

    An experience is ‘eternal’ in that it is not bound by time. Love can appear to fade or increase with time, sure - but it can also be fundamentally unchanged by time, distance or physical appearance.

    This is what complicates descriptions of love: an outward appearance, expression or act of love in the world also has an inward experience of that same love which initiates any such act.

    The way I see it, to love is to perceive and initiate interaction with the potential of another. You can wait to be led by the limbic system’s response to stimuli, allowing your emotions to ‘move’ you - or you can generate your own emotions based on a conscious experience of unrealised potential. When you value that unrealised potential, you can initiate loving acts that help to realise that potential in the world.

    That means clinically depressed soul mates can't love one another, no matter what they think, and no matter what kind deeds they do for each other. Of course, there will be moments where these clinically depressed soul mates can love one another, since there are moments where clinically depressed people are able to feel positive emotions, such as love, pride, and joy. But, there wouldn't be that many moments, which means it would hardly be a loving relationship. Lastly, not only do we require positive emotions to love and experience joy, but we also require them to see goodness, beauty, magnificence, and awesomeness in moments, things, situations, works of art, and life itself. That's been my personal experience.TranscendedRealms

    I can’t say I understand what it’s like to be clinically depressed, and I honestly don’t mean to question your experience. I’m trying to understand. But I wonder if you are waiting for these positive emotions to just happen on their own? Joy, for me, is not a feeling that comes over me, but often requires a conscious choice on my part to experience the potential moment as valuable in itself, rather than focus on how it relates to the past or future. I think attributing value to potential experiences is a choice we often need to make consciously, not a feeling or emotion we need to move us. Despite what others may tell you about how their feelings were the ‘cause’ of love, I think it is their openness to value the potential of the interaction that allows them to feel and to love. It can happen by chance, sure. But it can also be a choice to look for different kinds of value in our potential interactions with the world.

    Admittedly it opens us up to fear and to experiences of pain, loss and humiliation - but that’s what they often don’t tell you about what it means to love: all of this comes as a package deal. When you respond to the value of the potential interaction despite the fear - I think that’s love.
  • unenlightened
    6k
    Why not allow that people use the word in different ways; that some refer to a momentary feeling and others to a long term commitment and maybe yet others to something beyond experience.

    My song is love unknown,
    My Savior's love to me;
    Love to the loveless shown,
    That they might lovely be.
    O who am I,
    That for my sake
    My Lord should take
    Frail flesh, and die?
    — John Ireland
  • Nancy38
    3
    I agree with you. Love is often rational. When I grew up, I stopped believing in love feelings. I love visiting sites like this https://isexychat.com/chatrooms/sex-chat/with-men/ and talking about sex. It seems to me that such communication is much more honest than romantic falsehood.
  • TheMadFool
    12.6k
    There are 10,386 things about love but I can't tell you what they are because I'm, at the present moment, lovesick and, for the life of me, I can't seem to remember them.
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