• Shawn
    12.6k
    For a very long time, I have felt unhappy about not being happy. It has bothered me that I have felt depressed and down sometimes, and have pictured myself in a perpetual state of unhappiness. The dichotomy between being happy and not being happy presents a sense of profound cognitive dissonance in any person. Some people are possessed by this dichotomy and live their lives in quiet desperation.

    Having experienced this predicament myself, the only solution was to cut the Gordian knot and realize that happiness itself is the problem. Therefore, I have become completely indifferent to the appeal of reward or satisfaction or pleasure, that is often (falsely) associated with happiness. However, this has left me in a predicament. I feel as though I have given up on all my dreams and desire to become "happy" and have returned to a state of cynical disregard for anything that could benefit others or myself included. I don't want to imply that I am unhappy or miserable; but, rather that I have found comfort and contentment in my newfound view of my life.

    In a strange manner, I feel as though I have leaped ahead of my psychoevolution and am living as if I were an old man. Nothing bothers me anymore, I feel content, I have someone I care for, and I feel safe and secure.

    But, here is the crux of the issue. I don't feel as though my response to my socio-cultural concept of what constitutes happiness is conducive towards the supreme philosophical goal of eudaimonia.

    So, what am I getting wrong here? Any thoughts and responses are highly welcome.
  • BC
    13.1k
    realize that happiness itself is the problem.Wallows

    People who are happy -- some how, some what, some time, some where -- don't think happiness is the problem. professing indifference to happiness reminds one of the fox and the grapes in Aesop's fable: the fox couldn't jump high enough to reach the luscious grapes, so she left muttering, "They were probably sour, anyway." -- hence the expression, sour grapes.

    I doubt if anyone can become even moderately never mind completely indifferent to pleasure and satisfaction. It's wired in. We need it. Indeed, the effort to affect indifference to pleasure, satisfaction, good feelings is more a validation of happiness than a rejection.

    In a strange manner, I feel as though I have leaped ahead of my psychoevolution and am living as if I were an old man. Nothing bothers me anymore, I feel content, I have someone I care for, and I feel safe and secure.Wallows

    Is that not happiness?

    From an old man to a man who is not old yet, what you describe makes me think you have achieved contentment. You were expecting happiness to be a rip roaring orgasm? Take your breath away?

    the supreme philosophical goal of eudaimonia.Wallows

    How do you define the state of eudaemonia? Must it mean "happiness" (which is, unfortunately, a very overworked term)? Maybe eudaemonia is being contented, flourishing; getting on with living your life in a way that you find satisfactory and consistent with your values.

    Every one of us has to define what a good life is, and it will vary from person to person. I don't think that Eudaemonia should be narrowed down to a highly specific meaning.

    It's 2:30 a.m. Time to go to bed, happy or not. Good night.
  • unenlightened
    8.7k
    I have felt unhappy about not being happy.Wallows

    I have given up on all my dreams and desire to become "happy"Wallows

    Nothing bothers me anymore, I feel content,Wallows

    So, what am I getting wrong here?Wallows

    Great accomplishment seems imperfect,
    Yet it does not outlive its usefulness.
    Great fullness seems empty,
    Yet it cannot be exhausted.

    Great straightness seems twisted.
    Great intelligence seems stupid.
    Great elequence seems awkward.

    Movement overcomes cold.
    Stillness overcomes heat.
    Stillness and tranquility set things in order in the universe.
    — Lao Tzu

    You are eloquent. Nothing is wrong.
  • Baden
    15.6k
    Nothing bothers me anymore, I feel content, I have someone I care for, and I feel safe and secure.Wallows

    That's about as good as it gets. The rest is just TV.
  • Terrapin Station
    13.8k


    A question that I don't expect you to answer in public, but what's going on in your life in general?

    Are you living someplace you'd like to live? Doing some kind of work you'd like to do? How are your personal relationsips--friends, lovers, etc.? How is your health? If any of those things aren't as you'd like them to be, what are you doing to change things? And re what you're doing to change anything, what are your goals for today? This week? This month? This year? The next five years?
  • Shawn
    12.6k
    A question that I don't expect you to answer in public, but what's going on in your life in general?Terrapin Station

    I am managing some matters related to a divorce, which has been dragging on for almost 10 years now. It's not fun; but, the end is near.

    Are you living someplace you'd like to live?Terrapin Station

    Yes, I am. I don't see myself being anywhere else.

    Doing some kind of work you'd like to do?Terrapin Station

    I'm on disability; but, am looking forward to working from home for a friend and a nootropics company.

    How are your personal relationsips--friends, lovers, etc.?Terrapin Station

    Yeah, this is a tough one. I don't socialize at all, have only one good friend, and am not interested in any relationships.

    How is your health?Terrapin Station

    I think it is good. One is never able to objectively asses that, I figure.

    If any of those things aren't as you'd like them to be, what are you doing to change things?Terrapin Station

    Well, I have outlined in the OP, that I have attained satisfaction and contentment. So, there's little to no desire for any change dwelling within me.

    And re what you're doing to change anything, what are your goals for today? This week? This month? This year? The next five years?Terrapin Station

    The same. I want to maintain my newfound equilibrium.
  • Judaka
    1.7k

    I don't think one ought to try to become happy. Happiness is a product of things you should want.
    1. Safety/Security
    2. Satisfaction
    3. Contentment
    4. Hobbies you enjoy
    5. Self-respect
    6. Self-esteem
    7. Positive attitude

    And so on.

    Equally, unhappiness is caused by things that you don't want.

    I think you can never have too much of the things that cause happiness and if those are your goals then you will never stop having dreams and ambitions.
  • TheMadFool
    13.8k
    I've always been more than a little confused about happiness. As a teenager the acquiring of and the comprehension of knowledge were things that made me happy. I was better at the former than the latter although I wished it was the reverse. Anyway, it doesn't take long to discover that all knowledge isn't always joy-inducing - there are sad facts like sickness and death to name a few. How am I ever going to achieve happiness if the very thing I enjoy also becomes a source of melancholy?

    Are you in a similar situation?
  • Amity
    4.6k
    I don't feel as though my response to my socio-cultural concept of what constitutes happiness is conducive towards the supreme philosophical goal of eudaimonia.Wallows

    You need to clarify what you mean by:

    1. A 'socio-cultural concept of what constitutes Happiness'
    2. Eudaemonia

    Also, explain why your response to 1. would not be conducive to 2.

    There have been quite a few discussions on Happiness already.
    Baden recently was on the lookout for one of quality. Here in this brainstorming exercise on what a discussion on Happiness might look like:
    https://thephilosophyforum.com/discussion/comment/251523

    Baden defined Happiness as:

    Happiness: Something like the proper mixture of sensitivity, creativity and strength achieved through habit and self-reflection; a self-sustaining stability of not-wanting rather than the result of procuring something wanted; the satisfaction that comes with focusing outwards on a regular basis while recognizing choice and freedom in each moment in the context of a healthy and active imagination; originality in identity and character in a way that fosters same in others; consistent quality in thought and action.

    Further questions:
    Is it best to focus on only one or two aspects ? Hence the need for a focused title and OP.
    How would you start? What were the influences which moved you to your destination ?— Amity

    Baden's response:
    If I were to write the OP, I would probably set it up as an exploration of what happiness is in a very general sense first then focus in on specific examples or experience as they become relevant in the progress of the discussion. But I wouldn't want to make it about my biography.  :monkey:

    Follow up : if your definition was used to start an exploration in a very general sense, then hopefully that would inspire specific examples. Either from posters' life experience or particular philosophy/ philosophers.
    What do you think ?— Amity

    Baden was:
    All for it.  :up:

    Unfortunately, this didn't happen. Perhaps too demanding of time and energy for a would-be leader of a potential quality discussion.

    I hope this one succeeds where others have apparently failed to live up to Baden's or forum requirements or standards.
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