I live in a small town in Southern California. The other day, my 21 yo step-son (who is Asian) was walking home and was the recipient of some very ugly xenophobic remarks from a young (white) man driving past. It happened so quickly that my step-son didn't have any chance to react and simply continued to the house. Understandably, he was quite upset and angry as these episodes (and much worse) have been becoming more common in areas where Asian-Americans live.

As I have attempted to counsel him on several occasions, I told him that learning to let things go (good and bad) is the most important lesson in life any of us can learn, that carrying feelings (particularly anger) can have devastating effects not only on the quality of your life, but the lives of those around you.

I then told him one of my favorite stories that helped me get through a particularly difficult time in my own life.

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Back in Tang dynasty China (618 - 907 AD) there was a very famous Zen monastery where many monks practiced meditation day and night. Every other week, the monk in charge of cooking would go to the neighboring village to stock-up on supplies not available to the nearly self-sufficient monastics.

On a particular trip, the cook, who had been a monk for over 50 years and was needing assistance to carry the supplies, brought along a novice, a young man of about 20 years. On their return, a storm came up out of nowhere and torrential rains began to wash-out the well worn path.

About half way back to the monastery, the younger monk suddenly stopped as he noticed a very beautiful young woman standing before a rushing stream that had cut through the pathway. The older monk seeing her dilemma quickly put down his packages, walked through the washed-out area, bowed, picked-up the young woman and carried her across the washed-out pathway. The woman bowed in return and continued on her journey.

The novice monk just stared in disbelief at the entire spectacle and after the young woman was well on her way turned to the older monk and said, "How is it that you broke one of our most sacred vows by not only looking at but carrying such a beautiful young woman across the washed-out path?"

The cook turned to the young monk and said, "I see you carry her still."

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I would be interested in hearing stories or ways that others have dealt with episodes in life that have been particularly difficult from which to move-on, as I do believe this is the most important lesson we can learn from our journey into philosophy and through life.