How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? — unenlightened

Don't be silly modern feminists can't change anything.

How many real men does it to change a lightbulb?

None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark.

"The best way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a bread knife" - Jo Brand

One dumb blond was calling out to the dumb blond on opposite shore.
"How do I get to the other side?"
"You already are."

I started to google "feminist..." and it filled in "lightbulb jokes". True story.

On the philosophical principle of using reasoning in conjunction with one’s ready acquired body of empirical knowledge to establish what is and is not real:

An Eastern European, outback shepherd who’d only seen local animals his entire life—with no connection to the world outside his village, such as via books or TV—finally made it out into the country’s big city. There he visited the city zoo. At the zoo he came face to face with a very tall-necked giraffe. While staring at it in disbelief, he contemplated deep and hard. At last, the intrepid shepherd confidently concluded with a wave of the hand: “No animal such as this can even exist!”

(A Romanian joke that may not translate as well as it could. I like it though.)

A more English based one also about observations and reasoning:

Two Californian dumb blonds stare up at the moon. One asks, “What do you think is closer: the moon or New York?” The other replies: “You stupid? The moon, of course! Look, you can’t see New York from where we’re at.”

I always preferred the light bulb joke with the Irish in it. Not because of the joke but the answer.

Question, how do you keep a bunch of idiots quiet?

Joke of the day - October 6, 2017

An idealist, a linguist, a pragmatist, and Frank are sitting in a bar talking about philosophical stuff. Frank asks, “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound.” The idealist answers “The ideal sound exists and has always existed.” The linguist says “Define ‘sound.’ Define ‘tree.’ Define ‘forest.’” The pragmatist gets up and starts to walk out. Frank says, “Hey, why are you leaving?” The pragmatist says “I’m going to check.”

The Fellow Fellatio fallacy -- phallusy for fallacy
The philatelist phallacy -- buying arguments with food stamps
The Phalling of walls phallacy -- Jericho, here I come!
The philandering philosopher's fallacy -- in vino, veritas; in, Vito, very fast!
The fallible fallacy -- I fell down and I can't get up.
The Papal infallibility principle fallacy -- I got up and I can't fall down!
The fall fallacy -- no rain fall fell, yet filled cups full.

What's the difference between a sparrow?

Both of his wings resemble each other, esp. the left one.

How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

Any number. They just have to argue about it until finally the light goes up.

The Fellow Fellatio fallacy -- phallusy for fallacy
The philatelist phallacy -- buying arguments with food stamps
The Phalling of walls phallacy -- Jericho, here I come!
The philandering philosopher's fallacy -- in vino, veritas; in, Vito, very fast!
The fallible fallacy -- I fell down and I can't get up.
The Papal infallibility principle fallacy -- I got up and I can't fall down!
The fall fallacy -- no rain fall fell, yet filled cups full. — szardosszemagad

That's what she said.

An Eastern European, outback shepherd who’d only seen local animals his entire life—with no connection to the world outside his village, such as via books or TV—finally made it out into the country’s big city. There he visited the city zoo. At the zoo he came face to face with a very tall-necked giraffe. While staring at it in disbelief, he contemplated deep and hard. At last, the intrepid shepherd confidently concluded with a wave of the hand: “No animal such as this can even exist!” — javra

That joke is a bit philosophier than I aspire to.

Two Californian dumb blonds stare up at the moon. One asks, “What do you think is closer: the moon or New York?” The other replies: “You stupid? The moon, of course! Look, you can’t see New York from where we’re at.” — javra

There, that's more like it.

Which question is most frequently asked by philosophy graduates?
"Would you like fries with that?"

Two guys are lost on a hunting trip... they had been separated from their group. They wonder aimlessly, night is falling, they come upon a hut in the woods. They go in, lock the door, and eat something that's in the cupboards. "You know, Sam," says one, "I'm a masochist." "Intersting," replies Sam, "I'm a sadist." The first guy falls on his knees, and begs Sam: "Please! Hit me! Claw me! Kick me! Spit on me." Sam puts his arms across, raises his nose and simply says: "No."

Oh, here's one, I am surprised nobody has said it yet.

"To do is to be." Socrates.

"To be is to do." Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Dobedobedo." Frank Sinatra.

"Nothing can both be and not be at the same time and in the same respect."

Two young Briton nobles are sitting in an outdoor cafe, in Firenze somewhere. One of them says, "You see those two bombas?" "Yes," says the other one. "Well," says the first one, "one of them is my wife, and the other, is my lover." The other one puts on a surprised face: "Eyh... for me, too."

Watt? — Sapientia

Takes 60 votes to break a fillibuster.

Q: How many chickens does it take to stop a light bulb crossing the road?

A: Quine.

A: Quine. — Baden

Mosesquine? From what I've seen he has been terrorizing the blog of @darthbarracuda for some time >:O

I just saw that. Lol :D Anyway, this joke is far deeper. Dig a little. You'll get there.

There, that's more like it. — T Clark

When it comes to humor, I’m in the dark.

How many real men does it to change a lightbulb?

None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark. — Bitter Crank

… need I say more? 8-)

Btw, nice one BC.

Oh, here's one, I am surprised nobody has said it yet.

"To do is to be." Socrates.

"To be is to do." Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Dobedobedo." Frank Sinatra. — szardosszemagad

I was going to use that, but I'm guessing that Socrates and Sartre are being misquoted.

Takes 60 votes to break a fillibuster. — Baden

I'm not allowed to explain my own jokes, but you are. I appreciate it.

Mosesquine? From what I've seen he has been terrorizing the blog of darthbarracuda for some time >:O — Agustino

I'm not sure who you are referring to? The guy who insists on making a logical syllogism proving I am the most disgusting hot dog on the sidewalk in South Africa or something?

The guy who insists on making a logical syllogism proving I am the most disgusting hot dog on the sidewalk in South Africa or something? — darthbarracuda

Yep. That's mosesquine. He's Korean.

Oh, now I seem to have remembered encountering him on the old PF when I called him out on some bullshit. Guess that's when he decided to leech on my blog. Hahaha

He's been here too under many many names, and each time he gets banned >:O

https://thephilosophyforum.com/profile/439/mosesquine

lmao it's not hard to pick him out. He should get a life.

"Philosophy is dead. "

A joke by Stephen Hawking.

Obviously, "what is dead may never die."

'Consciousness is an illusion.'

A joke (with props) by Daniel Dennett.

I was going to use that, but I'm guessing that Socrates and Sartre are being misquoted. — T Clark

Ah, perish the thought!!

Anything goes in love, war, philosophy and humour.

If what wise men say is true about greater knowledge leading to greater awareness of one’s own ignorance, then it must also be true that all the very wise people in humanity’s history have also known themselves to be idiots. So, if all the world’s sages are self-acknowledged idiots, then why should any of us regular folk take anything they’ve said seriously? I mean, come on, you’d have to be an idiot to think that acknowledged idiots are sagacious.

I call this “the sagaciousness fallacy”.

(an attempted emulation of British dry humor)

(an attempted emulation of British dry humor) — javra

All jokes are welcome.

All jokes are welcome. — T Clark

(Y) The Monty Python bunch are imo among the best comedians out there. I almost laugh only at the memory of A Fish Called Wanda: “The central message of Buddhism is not ‘Every man for himself!’” said the Brit to the Yankee—this, I presume, in reference to the notion of freedom. Brazil, Life of Brian … good stuff.

The Monty Python bunch are imo among the best comedians out there. I almost laugh only at the memory of A Fish Called Wanda: “The central message of Buddhism is not ‘Every man for himself!’” said the Brit to the Yankee—this, I presume, in reference to the notion of freedom. Brazil, Life of Brian … good stuff. — javra

I was saving this for later, but since you mention it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2gJamguN04