• TheFreedMind18
    The definition of small talk is, polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially as engaged in on social occasions. It is stated in the definition that it is unimportant, so why do we engage in it? It has been imprinted in our brains that we need to start a conversation with something that is usually unimportant or that we don't truly care about. We start a conversation by asking how the other person is doing, or asking what they are doing. More than not we don't care about the start of the conversation, we care about the end. So instead of making a simple conversation longer by adding unimportant conversation should we get straight to the point. I thought of this when hanging out with a friend. We were laying down talking to each other. Then it went silent. I knew that the she liked me and would want to kiss me. She knew that I liked her and I would like to kiss her. But I felt I couldn't ask her if she would want to kiss. So I asked, "What are you thinking?". She replied, "I don't know, what are you thinking?". This went back and forth a couple of times. Then she asked, "Are you thinking about kissing?". When she asked me this I thought, yes, I would like to kiss. But out of the fear of judgement and the thought of her maybe not wanting to kiss made me evade and run around the question. Finally, after wasting so much time, I told her that I was thinking about kissing. We then kissed. Now, when I think of that moment, I think of what I could've done with that wasted time. If I would've asked her if she wanted to kiss right away I could've saved all of that precious time. So, should I have asked her right away if she wanted to kiss? Should I disengage in the unimportant small talk and save myself so much time by getting to the point?
  • m-theory
    This seems like small talk to me.
    Why should I consider it important?
  • Jeremiah
    Should I disengage in the unimportant small talk and save myself so much time by getting to the point?TheFreedMind18

    Sorry I didn't read the bulk of your thread and just skipped to the end. Small talk is just a way for people to start the process of getting to know each other, or a way to pass the time.
  • Hanover
    You ask two questions: (1) Should we always forego all pleasantries and just get down to business, and (2) should you have just kissed her? The answers are (1) no and (2) yes.

    Your uncertainty and delay was understandable but ultimately awkward and far less memorable and impressive had you just kissed her. You're feeling that now, and so you're asking your question, seeking some validation that our system is flawed as opposed to owning the error of your hesitation. Had you properly moved in for your kiss without requesting permission and she had not wanted you to, you'd have detected that and would've backed off before stealing your kiss.

    Your question is actually endearing in an innocent sort of way.
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