There's a great deal of futility present in the OP. Like, *I so wish I do, that philosophy never came knocking on my door.*

You want to play the game, but you neither know nor understand what the fundamentals are. And this is common and can be seen, for example, on most of the playgrounds of the world.

Or, you want to chop wood and you know neither how to use nor sharpen an ax, nor understand the importance of these.

How to remedy? I suggest stepping back from content - the why - and staying with the method, the basic how, until you know you know it. Heifitz, it is said, practiced at 1/4 - 1/3 speed. Casals practiced his scales even when old. Musicians understand the the way to be fast is first to be slow. The Celtics of Auerbach/Russell notoriously ran six plays, which everyone in the league knew but couldn't stop.

Basics: what does it mean to know? What are the methods of the kind of thinking I want to do? And so forth. And there will come a day when you know something, and you know that you know it. When that happens, then you'll know and you won't ask.

You suffer from mental illness right? How do you make the distinction between suffering from mental illness, and the suffering from philosophy?
It seems to me that the former informs the latter.

It's a mix of both for me, but on the whole I think it comes out on the positive side.

Depending on my mood, thinking too deeply or about deep topics can easily lead my mind into topics that, when I'm down, become traps where I spiral around into deeper and deeper anxiety and depression. In times like that, I wish that I could just "turn off my brain" and stop being such a philosopher, stop over-examining everything and just live, like any other animal, just be a dumb happy creature not frozen in the headlights of the apparently-doomed future.

But one of the things that best helps elevate my mood is feeling or seeing connections, of any kind, interpersonal, theoretical, historical, etc -- I'm coming around to the opinion that meaningfulness of any kind is literally all about connections, even my ontology is perhaps-not-coincidentally all about a web of relations between objects defined entirely by those relations. And the thing that I always loved about philosophy, the reason I got into it, is how it has connections to everything. So doing philosophy, learning it or teaching it, makes my life and the world feel more meaningful, and so makes me happier. Sometimes.

Despite prolonged failure to do so, philosophizing did eventually help me to partially think my way out of those depressed and anxious thought loops that I sometimes get stuck in, even though it was also trying to philosophizing my way out of them that got me stuck in them to begin with. Perhaps as an analogy, it's like I was a dumb mathematician trying futilly to work out a proof that a given program won't halt, and then I figured out a proof that such a proof either way is not possible. I still don't know if the program will halt or not, but I know that I can't know it, and so can give up trying to figure out whether or not it will.

You want to play the game, but you neither know nor understand what the fundamentals are. — tim wood

On face value, that is the assumption. But, I've been (what's the best word to use here...) practicing or doing? philosophy for a long time now. It seems to me more like being stuck than wanting anything to do.

Basics: what does it mean to know? What are the methods of the kind of thinking I want to do? And so forth. And there will come a day when you know something, and you know that you know it. When that happens, then you'll know and you won't ask. — tim wood

Yes, and that's why I turned towards Wittgenstein. He seemed like someone who had all the answers, leaving the most difficult ones to be addressed as they should be on one's own (existential and such).

You suffer from mental illness right? How do you make the distinction between suffering from mental illness, and the suffering from philosophy? — DingoJones

To say that I suffer from a mental illness doesn't portray the issue adequately. I have a mental illness and dual diagnosis. My life hasn't been very rosy, a lot of depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. I've been on the old PF and this one for a while already, and the conclusion I'm arriving at is that those prone to mental disorder or illness (call it whatever you like) do have some kind of predisposition towards deeper thought about themselves or themselves wrt. to the world.

It's a mix of both for me, but on the whole I think it comes out on the positive side. — Pfhorrest

The deeper question is how would you know otherwise?

But one of the things that best helps elevate my mood is feeling or seeing connections, of any kind, interpersonal, theoretical, historical, etc -- I'm coming around to the opinion that meaningfulness of any kind is literally all about connections, even my ontology is perhaps-not-coincidentally all about a web of relations between objects defined entirely by those relations. And the thing that I always loved about philosophy, the reason I got into it, is how it has connections to everything. So doing philosophy, learning it or teaching it, makes my life and the world feel more meaningful, and so makes me happier. Sometimes. — Pfhorrest

This is what I liked about philosophy in the beginning. But, as time progresses and one sees most of the connections, then the issue seems to me to arise of the sort, what use does philosophy have if not to myself then to the world?

Despite prolonged failure to do so, philosophizing did eventually help me to partially think my way out of those depressed and anxious thought loops that I sometimes get stuck in, even though it was also trying to philosophizing my way out of them that got me stuck in them to begin with. Perhaps as an analogy, it's like I was a dumb mathematician trying futilly to work out a proof that a given program won't halt, and then I figured out a proof that such a proof either way is not possible. I still don't know if the program will halt or not, but I know that I can't know it, and so can give up trying to figure out whether or not it will. — Pfhorrest

Therefore, you founded your own philosophy?

towards deeper thought about themselves or themselves wrt. to the world. — Wallows

I think this is a clue. Philosophies are philosophies of, about, something. As such they are the thinking about the thinking about. The "about" remains usually and for the most part a kind of a fixed point. The thinking returning again and again to verify.

In the philosophy of oneself, though, there is no fixed point. There is the knower - the would-be knower - and the would-be known. They have only each other and neither is fixed, except as through the moorings of the self with things not-itself. as with a boat at a dock. The two then dance off into the distance....

Yes, but when does one say "stop" or I've had my portion to fill myself up, metaphorically?

Ok, well how do you distinguish between all that and the philosophy? How do you know where the specific sufferings come from? Why do you lay it at philosophies feet?

Why are you asking?

Well, to me philosophy isn't like peeling onions or such.

I feel as though the inclination to practice or do philosophy as somewhat burdensome. On the whole of it people are naturally ethical, no?

Because I don't know what life without philosophy would look like... Eh.

My point is, you're asking. That means you're not done. Whether you proceed, your call.

I guess I'm really stuck then. Hand me a ladder, will you, Tim?

You're your own ladder. Understand that and you're on your way.

What do you mean? I thought I got out of that bottle that the fly I am. But, it seems not so.

No, I dont think people are naturally ethical on the whole, but Im not sure why thats relevant. What Im trying to get at is how you may be conflating philosophy with those other things, and that not recognising this distinction is at least partially why you feel burdened by philosophy.

No, I dont think people are naturally ethical on the whole, but Im not sure why thats relevant. What Im trying to get at is how you may be conflating philosophy with those other things, and that not recognising this distinction is at least partially why you feel burdened by philosophy. — DingoJones

How does one depsychologize the issue then?

what use does philosophy have if not to myself then to the world? — Wallows

I think that philosophy has definitely made me a better person, and so enabled me to do better things both for my own life and for the world. Not that the latter is particularly impressive in any way, but I think it’s better than it otherwise would have been. And if more people had motive and opportunity to do more and better philosophy, they and consequently the world would experience similar benefits. They’re subtle benefits to be sure, but a lot of them add up.

The foundational principle of my own philosophy that I came up with in 2010 (“it may be hopeless but I’m trying anyway”) is what I credit with my success at completing, over the course of the past decade, an enormous to-do list of vast life improvements.

(Finishing off the philosophy book I had been starting to write back then is, poetically, the last item on that to-do list).

Therefore, you founded your own philosophy? — Wallows

No, that existential dread only hit me a little over a year ago, and I hadn’t even considered trying to “solve” that “problem” until it did. I started writing “my own philosophy” as such some 15 years before that, when it was just an interesting academic project for fun.

Well Im not trained in psychology, but I would say that you depsycholigise philosophy by making the distinction between your psychology and your philosophy. Self reflect, And try to figure out where one begins and the other starts, and when/where your psychology is informing ( I almost want to say “corrupting”) your philosophy. Then you will at least know which enemy you are facing, and if philosophy is actually an enemy at all.

I think that philosophy has definitely made me a better person, and so enabled me to do better things both for my own life and for the world. — Pfhorrest

Do you mean ethically? Because that's what's left after you recognize the fields of science and humanities that have shot off from philosophy...

What are we tree huggers then?

Well Im not trained in psychology, but I would say that you depsycholigise philosophy by making the distinction between your psychology and your philosophy. — DingoJones

Impossible! How?!

I already said, by self reflecting and trying to track the two.
Have you ever practiced mindfulness, or meditation? Id recommend first researching how your mental illness or whatever you want to call it, interacts with meditation or mindfulness as there may be dangers, but if its safe then it can really help to parse whats happening in your mind.

I already said, by self reflecting and trying to track the two.
Have you ever practiced mindfulness, or meditation? Id recommend first researching how your mental illness or whatever you want to call it, interacts with meditation or mindfulness as there may be dangers, but if its safe then it can really help to parse whats happening in your mind. — DingoJones

Yes, I do practice mindfulness and try and meditate sometimes. Yet, when I try and engage in philosophy there's this quantum leap. What lies in between that quantum leap is a mystery to me.

I dont know what you mean.

I dont know what you mean. — DingoJones

What I'm trying to say, is that I've been practicing philosophy for so long, that I don't really know how my life would look without it.

...and how does your misery factor into that? I thought philosophy was causing you anguish?

...and how does your misery factor into that? I thought philosophy was causing you anguish? — DingoJones

I don't know myself.

I feel like you aren’t connecting with what Im saying. Knowing yourself is what self reflection is all about. How are you trying to know yourself?