My moms being a bitch

Perchperkins

Greetings all

I want to start by saying that I love my mom very much, but

She’s being a bitch

It all started 8 months ago when she got surgery on her foot which made her immobile for 8-10 months. After 8 months of this, she got surgery in the other foot, which was last December so now she is immobile again.

For the last 8 months, I’ve been getting her water, food, running errands, and much more to make sure she is taken care of. But now it is getting excessive.
Let me first say that she is bipolar and has depression. She is not the “let’s be productive” type and she sleeps sometimes for 12 hours a day and stays in bed.

She is more than happy to get out of bed to go out with her friends, go shopping for things we don’t need, or to run some errands.

Lately however, she’s been very excessive. She demands I start paying for things impulsively, demands I do certain chores immediately which is not possible as I am a college student and I work 30 hours a week and I’m pretty busy. when I can’t do certain chores immediately, she gets angry, and guilt trips me. She then gets nit picky, complaining about every little thing. This is my biggest pet peeve and when she does this, I will go off on her.

She smokes pot to help the foot pain, (which is fine. It’s better than her taking OxyContin, which is addictive), and she drinks wine. She has the worst diet I’ve ever seen. (Wine, pot, pasta, mousse yogurt, bagels with cream cheese and peas). She gets zero exercise. (For Christ’s sake there’s a guy at my gym who is in a wheelchair and he lifts weights) to be frank, I don’t think she can make it past 60 at this rate. It is that bad!

she cooks and makes big messes in the kitchen every week (when she’s high) and she expects me and my brother to clean it and it’s starting to get really annoying.

My fear is that even when her foot recovers, she will still have these habits of asking us to do everything for her.

Now don’t get me wrong, I clean the kitchen and do dishes often, I am actively seeking more financial responsibilities, and I want to help her and make sure she’s taken care of, but she’s just getting incredibly excessive and is not doing anything to help herself. She just lays in bed most of the time and tells us what to do.

And my dad travels for work so he’s gone on a weekly/biweekely basis.

Today however I made a comment about her taking a nap and she got all pissed off, rightfully so, but my intent was more sarcastic and not intended to be inflammatory.

She got all pissed off and kept trying to guilt trip me and nitpick me, at which point I said, “I’m in a good mood today and I’m not dealing with your shit” I then proceeded to tell her that she was acting like a bitch, because she really was and I’m tired of all this bullshit.

Can anyone give me any advice to better my situation?

I like sushi

How about posting on a relevant forum?

Shawn

Can anyone give me any advice to better my situation? — Perchperkins

I suggest looking into a IHSS (In Home Supportive Services) equivalent in your state. It has been a Godsend for me and my mom. We kind of exploit the system; but, you can register as a caregiver to your mother who sounds like she is disabled and gets paid for the services and duties done for her.

Best of luck.

BC

You say your mother is bipolar. Is she receiving psychiatric care? If so, what, and if not, why not?

I take it your mother's feet are sufficient recovered from surgery that she is up and about. Right? Also, I assume you and your brother are at least somewhat financially dependent on your parents. Your father travels for work, but how does he understand the situation?

Your mother is mentally ill. She's smoking pot and drinking... how much? (This is not good.) Is she following post-operative care instructions? Is she diabetic? What kind of foot surgery did she have?

This sounds like a very messy situation, but here are a few pointers:

You and your brother (how old is he?) can establish some boundaries around what you will do and what you won't do, what she really should be doing for herself, and where she needs help. "Boundaries" are not ultimatums. just decide what you can reasonably do and what you can reasonably put up with. When your mother wants you to do something that is within what you consider acceptable, do it cheerfully. When what she wants is outside of what you think reasonable, tell her that [whatever it is] is something she should be doing for herself--assuming that she can.

If she makes a big mess in the kitchen while high (and or intoxicated), tell her (nicely) that it isn't healthy for her to be high, intoxicated, and cooking. (The risk of accident and injury is higher.) She should be as mobile as she can possibly be. If she is thirsty and can get a drink of water herself, then she should get up and get it--for her own good.

People who are depressed or manic are not in their right minds (at least some of the time). Bi-polar can be very disruptive for everyone concerned. Just bear that in mind when her behavior is inappropriate. Your best bet is to be kind, be consistent, be supportive, and maintain your limits. Your doing EVERYTHING she wants you to do, your absorbing ALL of her MI behaviors will not help her.

You are in college? What year? In the not too distant future, you won't be living at home.

She didn't ask to be bi-polar. She didn't ask to have foot surgery -- those things are not her fault. You may not like the way she is, but her ability to cope with her own problems may be fairly limited.

(I don't know anything about your mother or your family, of course so... take all this with several grains of salt.)

Can anyone give me any advice to better my situation? — Perchperkins

Add some poison to the next meal you cook her.

My moms being a bitch

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