• Jake
    1.4k
    When I'm not swamping forums with typoholic bloviational symbolic tidal waves, I'm out in the real world having real philosophical experiences.

    A few days ago I came with an inch of getting bit by a rattlesnake. I was foolishly violating my own rules and exploring some deep bush where it was difficult to see the ground. It was very wild, and I was loving it, but, um...

    As I was making my way through the bush I suddenly heard a rattling at my feet. If you held your arm out away from your body and dropped something from your hand, about there. I instantly leapt in to the air like a comic book super hero, going about 10 feet up in air and 10 yards down range, where I landed on one toe and then repeated the superhero leap. :smile: My body's intelligence was trying to make up for my retarded brain.

    Once at a safe distance I turned to view the snake who was coiled up in strike pose and rattling like mad. I thanked him for not biting me. I yelled at myself for being an idiot. And then very carefully made my way to open ground.

    Had I been bit I'd probably still be there in the deep bush, and after a time perhaps you'd be wondering, whatever happened to that Jake Blowhard guy? Maybe some buzzards are ripping his eyes out of his head and munching them down for lunch? Burp! Maybe the coyotes have dragged his ripped apart carcass deeper in to the bush towards their den? Maybe all the little creatures of the forest are coming to have their taste before the microbes finally strip every last drop of organic matter from the skeleton?

    Maybe the skeleton of Jake Blowhard is being covered with leaves, and before he finally sinks in to the ground for the last time he's looking up at the sky and fantasy thinking to himself, "Crap, I ain't doing that again!"

    But wait....

    What's at the end of this tunnel thing??? Damn it's bright in here, why didn't I bring my sunglasses?
  • Shawn
    12.6k
    What's at the end of this tunnel thing??? Damn it's bright in here, why didn't I bring my sunglasses?Jake

    An oncoming train.
  • Sir2u
    3.2k
    You are delirious from the poison and walked onto a road. Jump again, that's one big mother of a truck coming at you.

    Slat.

    Too late. :cry:
  • Jake
    1.4k
    Another encounter with death which happened many years ago as a teen. Some friends and I thought it would be brilliant to get really stoned and explore an abandoned cement factory. Did I mention that we were teens?

    The cement factory was this huge empty building that was open from the floor to five or six stories up. So me and my brilliant stoned friends were exploring the space by walking on these metal cat walks that went everywhere.

    We're walking along on the catwalks and one of the grates gives way beneath my feet. The grate is instantly gone, and I'm poised in mid air looking four stories down at huge piles of broken concrete in a lake of green scum water. Nano-seconds before beginning the descent in to the void my teen instincts throw my elbows out which break the fall before it begins.

    I've enjoyed 50+ years of a wonderful life since that day, thanks to my quick thinking elbows.

    I still smoke-um the weed-o, but these days I stay out of concrete plants and dance with rattlesnakes instead. Point being, if you stick patiently with living long enough, you basically remain the same stupid person you always were. :smile:
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