Hello and welcome to The Philosophy Forum! Hope you like it here! If you have any questions feel free to ask! : )

You remind me of me :)

Thanks guys for the welcome.

Have to admit, so much swirling around in my head. I just really don't know where to start.

I guess a quick bio might help?

I was 15 years old when diagnosed with cancer. Told, directly as i like it, that there was a 50/50 chance of getting through it. I did. I think a lot was PMA but also made me very aware of what life is, and what we should get from it. 31 Years later, here I am with all the usual crap life gives us, problems with the bank, broadband not working but these seem of little consequence. When you are told at that age you might not make the year out, attitudes change.

All I have tried to do is enjoy life to the max. Long conversations recently with my folks about inheritance, planning etc seems vague to say the least. Always said after what happened 30 odd years ago that every day is a bonus. I have lived that way all my life and have no regrets, but now looking at bills, responsibilities etc, life seems a little mundane. Trying to get my head round that is one of the reasons I am here.

Always assumed I wouldn't be here now, so filled my life as best I could. Where the **** do you go from here?

Always assumed that although I don't believe in a god, that there is something, I like to call it mother nature, but feels almost like I need to do something.

That register with anybody?

Perhaps you should go deep into the wilderness with a tent for a few days, alone. Or maybe to a mountain. Alone. No technology. Bring food and water and whatever you will need to survive for a few days without hurting yourself. Bring a phone but do not use it unless an emergency. And just be there. Think about your life and what is truly meaningful to you. and then come back to the world where you can put into practice what you learned.
Maybe bring something to write on and with. Write your thoughts. Be in isolation. That is the truth

Always assumed I wouldn't be here now, so filled my life as best I could. Where the **** do you go from here? — texaskersh

Hiya texaskersh and welcome to The Philosophy Forum!
You are not alone in the question of "Where the fuck do I go from here?"
It's a rather crowded crossroad in life at times.

Does that register? Profoundly. Practice seeing your nature as God's. Identical with the limit that is your self. See nature, God and you as ontologically related, relatable and the only thing you are all at once. Don't use this as an excuse, ever. But, as a reminder of who and what you truly are. Forever and ever. Amen.