What's the "right" way to be?

Darkneos

Mostly a vent and also a way to get advice.

I've read...lots of philosophies, see a lot of videos, and at the end of it all I'm...just lost. I'm not really sure what the right thing to do in the world is anymore because my mind is pulled in all directions. Without anyone to talk to about this (who actually understands it) I'm just left to stew in my imperfect understanding of things and it feels like everything I think or do is wrong.

From mereological nihilism saying there are no objects and it's just matter arranged differently (it's similar to the Buddhist idea that nothing "exists").

This video sounds like that idea too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXW-QjBsruE&t=1s

To wondering about social constructs and whether the things I love are truly real or not. I guess you can file it under nihilism because the lack of objective meaning still bothers me a lot, I never really got over that one.

Solipsism either, that's still left a wound on me and I still struggle with treating things as real today.

That's just a few but there's more (especially Lacanian psychoanalysis challenging what I thought I about desire and sex).

I can't really stop thinking about all this stuff, nor can I ignore it, I don't know why. All I know is I'm kinda short circuited because I don't know how to see or treat other people anymore, let alone myself. I don't know how to live, what's right, what to do, or....anything really...

I'm also running out of places to ask stuff like this on because the problem persists and all I'm left with is the damage from reading this stuff and no real help or way out.

So that's my vent but also asking for help. I just don't know how to process anything I've read, and just trying on my own isn't working out.

AmadeusD

Stop reading philosophy and go and enjoy a sunset.

You are missing the forest for the trees.

Darkneos

Stop reading philosophy and go and enjoy a sunset.

You are missing the forest for the trees. — AmadeusD

It's hard to enjoy a sunset for the listed reasons.

Darkneos

Like even today I wonder if anything exists because it's just a collection of parts

AmadeusD

↪Darkneos

The reasons are that you consistently crowd your mind with the concerns you are posting about, almost non-stop. The reasons are not those you list. These are excuses for not doing the toughest part of hte work, which is to just stop. Look. Listen. Instead of trying to mentally control everything - or, as it seems, searching for and soliciting ways to control everything.

Just stop doing that; stop reading philosophy looking for an answer and just sit in silence. Enjoy the sunset. Just shut up (internally, I mean). Its not that easy, but it is that simple. Everyone has said similar things to you. I can't see how you continuing down this path is anything but irrational self-destructive.

Sincerely, someone who was clinically, chronically depressed for years and has attempted on their life several times.

Darkneos

The reasons are that you consistently crowd your mind with the concerns you are posting about, almost non-stop. The reasons are not those you list. These are excuses for not doing the toughest part of hte work, which is to just stop. Look. Listen. Instead of trying to mentally control everything - or, as it seems, searching for and soliciting ways to control everything.

Just stop doing that; stop reading philosophy looking for an answer and just sit in silence. Enjoy the sunset. Just shut up (internally, I mean). Its not that easy, but it is that simple. Everyone has said similar things to you. I can't see how you continuing down this path is anything but irrational self-destructive. — AmadeusD

But it is the other stuff too because it interferes with me trying to do anything, because it's always wrong.

Like I just recalled something someone else told be about how there are no "levels" to reality, it's just reality. And then something about nonduality. I didn't really get it.

AmadeusD

↪Darkneos

this is not a coherent post capable of reasonable reply. I’m sorry

Darkneos

this is not a coherent post capable of reasonable reply. I’m sorry — AmadeusD

It is, I'm telling you that the things I've read have prevented me from being able to enjoy life because they have "deconstructed" the things I used to love.

AmadeusD

↪Darkneos

You may think so, and have intended this. The post, itself, is not coherent or capable of reasonable reply. Again, I am sorry - this is probably causing a huge disconnect between you and other posters. I think it would be more prudent to accept that this is the case and work on making clearer statements which can be apprehended fully.

Like I just recalled something someone else told be about how there are no "levels" to reality, it's just reality. And then something about nonduality. I didn't really get it. — Darkneos

This is rambling, gives me nothing to talk about and doesn't adequately explain anything about your earlier comments. It just tells me you get upset when some people tell you some things.

In any case, this fits squarely with the initial suggestion:

Instead of trying to mentally control everything - or, as it seems, searching for and soliciting ways to control everything.

Just stop doing that; stop reading philosophy looking for an answer and just sit in silence. — AmadeusD

It doesn't make any sense to any of us that people saying things to you would send you on this whirlwind upon which you come onto a philosophy forum searching for existential answers.

Please have a review. Don't respond immediately. Sit with it.

Darkneos

It doesn't make any sense to any of us that people saying things to you would send you on this whirlwind upon which you come onto a philosophy forum searching for existential answers. — AmadeusD

Because it questions the things I take for granted like what is real, whether objects exist, whether I am a human being on earth. I cannot move to other things because then I start to doubt those as well along with the truth of them. Like the moral implications when I play a video game that involves war strategy or like with Pokemon and the ethics of it. Or with a sunset like you said, I doubt if there is a sun or any "thing" since it's just made of the same matter and there is no real difference. And if that doesn't bug me then there is the doubt of whether this is real or some simulation.

The same goes with making "Friends", because then questions of the self and it's existence then show up.

In short I cannot do anything else because everything else has been effectively ruined.

Mikie

↪Darkneos

Philosophical questions can send you into a tailspin, no doubt. It’s still thinking, though. If you can’t get away from this thinking, try to recognize it as thought. This is commonly done in meditative practices. Have you looked into that?

The need to have questions answered definitively, or for some kind of certainty in life, is common. It can feel groundless without answers. But like fear, worry, or even mild anxiety — it comes and goes, and you can practice making it more manageable. Exercise, good nutrition, proper sleep, fulfilling relationships, and productive work can all help, along with the aforementioned meditation practices. If all else fails, talk to a therapist and perhaps look into medication.

AmadeusD

↪Darkneos

You are describing choices on your part and I am sympathetic to that. You are compulsively choosing to examine your life in a self-destructive way. What you describe essentially meets the criteria for addiction.

But the crux is that these things don't magically occur in your mind. You need to exercise restraint and care over your mental hygiene. Again, It is not so easy - It took my years to come out of that space. But it is that simple. My recommendation is accepting at least some of what you've been given across your few threads, and sit with it. Essentially, "act as if" you believe it's true and see if you can adjust your mental behaviour in light of it. Truly, many of your conclusions will be irrational and "wrong" in principle if they hurt you.

Everything Mikie said is great advice. I would have probably have left off medication due to anecdote, though lol.

Darkneos

My recommendation is accepting at least some of what you've been given across your few threads, and sit with it. Essentially, "act as if" you believe it's true and see if you can adjust your mental behaviour in light of it. Truly, many of your conclusions will be irrational and "wrong" in principle if they hurt you. — AmadeusD

I've tried that but like I mentioned above it just leads to ruining a lot of things I enjoy. Also this isn't really a choice, I cannot stop it. But acting as if it were true has led to harm, but just because it hurts doesn't make it wrong. A lot of the good things in life are either "lies" or illusions.

Philosophical questions can send you into a tailspin, no doubt. It’s still thinking, though. If you can’t get away from this thinking, try to recognize it as thought. This is commonly done in meditative practices. Have you looked into that? — Mikie

I've tried meditation but it didn't really help with the thoughts, it also left me not wanting to do anything at all. Totally apathetic.

Mikie

've tried meditation but it didn't really help with the thoughts, it also left me not wanting to do anything at all. Totally apathetic. — Darkneos

Well, I would seek out a psychiatrist. I would also recommend reading Irvin Yalom —an “existential psychotherapist” and psychiatrist. He’s a good writer, so it’s not dull. I like his nonfiction books but he does both. He touches on a lot of your issues.

A lot of the good things in life are either "lies" or illusions. — Darkneos

Like, for example, that statement.

L'éléphant

A lot of the good things in life are either "lies" or illusions. — Darkneos

All I know is I'm kinda short circuited because I don't know how to see or treat other people anymore, let alone myself. I don't know how to live, what's right, what to do, or....anything really... — Darkneos

I'm not sure if you should be in philosophy if this is how you feel. You have to have a grasp on the value of living before you can do philosophy.
I always say, develop some humility so that you're able to recognize life itself, its value.

A neighbor a few houses down waved at me while I was walking. He had in his hands a sealed bottle of wine. Could you help me open this please? His hands were red and swollen so that the fingers no longer bend. He was dying. I took him home to get the bottle opened. Then we walked back to his house. I continued my daily walk. A couple of weeks and I never saw him again anymore. A sister living in his house said good morning to me one morning. I never saw her in my life. But she saw me while peeking through the window, when her brother needed help with a bottle of wine.

Darkneos

Well, I would seek out a psychiatrist. I would also recommend reading Irvin Yalom —an “existential psychotherapist” and psychiatrist. He’s a good writer, so it’s not dull. I like his nonfiction books but he does both. He touches on a lot of your issues. — Mikie

I've done psychiatry before but they try to insist it's chemical, they can't actually answer the questions that matter.

As for Yalom, he doesn't actually answer the questions or issues I present but rather dodges them.

Like with Death, that doesn't really make us live more fully. One could just hasten towards their own death or just not live fully, I mean...it's not like you can take any of it with you when you die. Whether you lived fully or not it makes no difference.

Freedom isn't really accurate as that's more a privilege than something humans have as a given. I've learned over time that Freedom to choose is a luxury and most don't have it.

Isolation he doesn't actually have a solution for since he sorta shoots himself in the foot with describing it as a state where no matter how many relations you have you are ultimately alone.

As for meaninglessness, well the same goes for the above. Someone mentioned to me that humans needing meaning in life is the problem and they cannot deal with things not mattering, then I thought how ironic it is to say that like it matters to you. But I digress, meaninglessness isn't solved by making meaning because at that point once you see past that veil, then attempts to make meaning are akin to lying to yourself.

Ironically enough suicide is a solution to all the givens he talks about, that's why Camus said the greatest philosophical problem is that of suicide. Though that's me digressing again.

This pretty much summarizes them and I explained why none of theses are actual solutions to the problem: https://hannahfrankeltherapist.com/blog/2025/2/11/the-four-givens-of-existence-death-freedom-isolation-and-meaninglessness

Darkneos

I'm not sure if you should be in philosophy if this is how you feel. You have to have a grasp on the value of living before you can do philosophy.
I always say, develop some humility so that you're able to recognize life itself, its value — L'éléphant

Life itself has no value, that's what I learned in philosophy. Neither does death for that matter. Plenty of people who do philosophy also see no value in living like Schopenhauer and Emil Ciorian.

A neighbor a few houses down waved at me while I was walking. He had in his hands a sealed bottle of wine. Could you help me open this please? His hands were red and swollen so that the fingers no longer bend. He was dying. I took him home to get the bottle opened. Then we walked back to his house. I continued my daily walk. A couple of weeks and I never saw him again anymore. A sister living in his house said good morning to me one morning. I never saw her in my life. But she saw me while peeking through the window, when her brother needed help with a bottle of wine. — L'éléphant

I don't understand the point of that remark.

Mikie

↪Darkneos

You haven’t read Yalom, so you wouldn’t know. To say he dodges the questions because you had AI summarize him tells me you’d prefer that be the case.

So have it your way: there are no answers. Live with it.

Darkneos

You haven’t read Yalom, so you wouldn’t know. To say he dodges the questions because you had AI summarize him tells me you’d prefer that be the case. — Mikie

I did read him, I summarized it for other people by linking the website. He does dodge the questions and his solutions don't actually work, I know because I've heard the same advice he mentions elsewhere and it never worked for me. But also I recognize that it doesn't really answer the problems he poses, especially isolation since I explained he shot himself in the foot when he defined what isolation was.

It's the same for meaning, something doesn't become meaningful just because you make meaning. That's the trap, once you see meaning was never "real" then even made meaning becomes meaningless.

In fact the isolation one is the worst offender because his solution of "Accepting" your loneliness and that this allows you to form connections with others isn't logically coherent. If you acknowledge that you are fundamentally alone in the world then any sort of connection becomes meaningless because you're not actually connecting with another person. In fact now I'm sorta wishing I didn't read what he said on that because his "solution" doesn't fix the problem, it just highlights how pointless connections are.

I think it's more you don't have a response for criticism of his answers.

Mikie

↪Darkneos

You haven’t read him. That’s clear enough. Now denying it, so I’m done with you. I regret offering any advice whatsoever; you’re an insufferable bore. If you feel life is truly devoid of all meaning and is so awful, why go on? Why even post here? Take your adolescent need for certainty and grow up.

Darkneos

You haven’t read him. That’s clear enough. Now denying it, so I’m done with you. I regret offering any advice whatsoever; you’re an insufferable bore. If you feel life is truly devoid of all meaning and is so awful, why go on? Why even post here? Take your adolescent need for certainty and grow up. — Mikie

I did read him, you can either address what I said about how he doesn't actually answer the problems or you can handwave it away. I'm wondering if you read him because you don't have any actual counterpoints. I gave specifics and you're not so if someone looking in is wondering who read it the answer is obvious.

As for why go on, well...I don't have an answer for that. Foolish hope would be my answer.

Mikie

↪Darkneos

There’s no answers and no meaning and that makes everything awful. Carry on.

What's the "right" way to be?

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