Hi Baden, with all due respect you gave me one day, I haven't changed my mind. Do me the honors.

Thank you.

Hi Baden, I guess I don't rhyme well with people in here, with my unorthodox thoughts.

I wouldn't want to leave, but let me. I won't do any good in this forum. –Delete my acccount and discussions.

Thanks.

I want to delete my account.

Thanks.

...
But if they are aware that love can be withdrawn, then we have healthier relationships were love is reciprocated, and not one sided...



I'm 19, life has proven to me that most things have strings attached and love is not an exception.

I'll love my girlfriend as long as she meets certain criteria, which I'll not explicitly tell her. But at the back of my mind I know what the criteria are.


Now you can't tell anyone overtly that you love them because... ;It won't be sincere, and its not the ideal that society wants us to live upto.

If we were more realistic, we could be telling our loved ones that I love you because... You're intelligent, you're a great cook or you're fashionable. But saying that won't be sincere, it would feel like a transaction. So we opt for the one with less effect.... "I love you. " and we leave it at that.

Until something happens that turns the tables.

If you think, your children love you the same way you love them unconditionally, ask the old folks in retirement homes whose children don't even visit.

There are different sorts of love, some openly conditional, like that between spouses where there are certain explicit boundaries (e.g. forsaking all others), and some far less conditional, like a parent to a child. My love for my children is not predicated upon their doing anything, and it's hard to imagine there is something that they could do to totally eliminate it. — Hanover

I don't have any children, but I think you're finding it hard to influence your children. No matter what unacceptable thing they do you'll always love them. But conditional love can foster the notion that what you do has consequences early on in a child, if they do something you'd consider unacceptable you withdraw your love from them. It is a subtle way of raising better human beings.

Rather, than them always experincing boundless love.

Let's say, they are dishonest, you realize that, "then act aloof towards them." The child will feel the lost love from dad or mum. And would course correct.

These are the conditions of love, they make it perfect when experienced.

I guess what I'm saying is that conditional love is more of a tactic in this situation. To instill qualities like discipline, patience, responsibility, honesty, respect etc.

With time, children start to internalize healthy conditional love that guides them to act in ethical ways.

Let's say, you show unconditional love to your children, forever. Now they are adults, you and me know that romantic love has conditions (it is more of work, than something that just happens) what do you think these adults will be after –"unconditional love."

Which is unrealistic, they can be dragged through mud by someone who does not love them as much, but in their heads, they are thinking "I love you for who you are and nothing is going to change that. "


...

Have you ever considered that you've never experienced love?

Hi Philosophim, I've experienced love, healthy conditional love; in which I get my needs met.

I wish I could be able to do that.

@ssu

I agree with what you've said above, social media is slightly altering the way we socialize. We are becoming more self absorbed, it is hard to be kind nowadays. It takes courage. It might reach a point where we have to whip some people in order to get kindness from them.

Unfortunately with social media our behavior is changing as there obviously are many people who don't care how or to whom they are talking or basically talk in a totally differently in the net as they would do in real life.

The way we converse on the web is totally different from the way we do in person. What I can't tell for sure is that, whether this rude talk on the web is going to consequently reflect in our offline interactions.

Obviously, for any decision, there's a data threshold below which you shouldn't even be making a decision.

:up:

@Srap Tasmaner