• praxis
    4k
    I definitely don't want pop up features because I can't do that on my phone. The reason why I don't quote others in my posts is because it requires a mouse.Jack Cummins

    You have an old-timey phone from like 2015 or something?
  • Hanover
    6.9k
    The reason why I don't quote others in my posts is because it requires a mouse.Jack Cummins

    You just hold your finger on what you want to quote and drag it to highlight it. The above was quoted from my phone.
  • Benkei
    4.9k
    I definitely don't want pop up features because I can't do that on my phone. The reason why I don't quote others in my posts is because it requires a mouse.Jack Cummins

    Replied on my android!
  • Jack Cummins
    3.6k
    [reply="Hanover;570837"

    It is a smartphone and I can do a fair amount on it. I obviously haven't mastered the art of dragging very well, as I don't seem to have enough fingers, when I am holding the phone.

    But I don't want to talk about using my phone again on the site. If anyone writes a story featuring a phone, especially with a cliffhanger about a phone battery running out, I sure @Amity and some others would assume that it is mine.
  • Amity
    2.1k
    If anyone writes a story featuring a phone, especially with a cliffhanger about a phone battery running out, I sure Amity and some others would assume that it is mine.Jack Cummins

    Tempting, so very tempting...
    But it wouldn't see the light of day. Plagiarism ban probably...
  • Noble Dust
    4.8k
    In my story, once the protagonist realizes the buns are burnt, he immediately grabs his smart phone, logs onto a baking forum, and is in the process of copy and pasting text from a senior member in order to ask them a question, when his fat fingers fumble the phone, and it falls into the oven, explodes and causes a grease fire. This is the moment at which his wife leaves him.
  • Jack Cummins
    3.6k

    You have managed to incorporate my struggling fingers into a little story, although my fingers are not fat, but simply clumsy.

    I have a true story of how I was busy writing a reply to @Madfool on this site several months ago and accidentally left the tap on in the bath. I was busy writing and my mum called out to say that the lights downstairs had all gone out. I said that it must be a powercut. Then, I walked into the bathroom and noticed water cascading through the ceiling and realised my dreadful carelessness. There was a lot of mopping up to be done before we could begin to look at the light sockets, and it was difficult having to mop by torchlight.
  • Amity
    2.1k


    Funny wif ffffffckin fabulous fartifutufallliteration :fire: :100: :cool:
  • Noble Dust
    4.8k


    Please don't take offense; the word fat just fit too perfectly.
  • Jack Cummins
    3.6k

    No offence taken. I think fat fingers worked well as an image of the character grappling with his phone, especially using small digits.
  • god must be atheist
    3.3k
    No offence taken. I think fat fingers workedJack Cummins

    "The Fat Fingers of Death" -- Remember Bruce Lee?
  • Bitter Crank
    9.8k
    Computers and telephones have caused me to burn enough food on the stove to feed the Russian Army. I don't know... do Russian soldiers like scorched potatoes? Carbonized vegetables? Pan-charred meat?
  • Jack Cummins
    3.6k

    I'm probably the worst person to ask because I only use a microwave, and it's a lot safer...But being on the phone can be a big problem and I often miss stops on busses and end up in all sorts of places. Phones can be a best friend or enemy, but the biggest disaster can be losing one and the chaos it causes. I wouldn't even mind creating a story based on losing a phone at some point.
  • Shawn
    11.7k
    A pig fell asleep and then woke up, that's all that fucking happened.
  • Bitter Crank
    9.8k
    You failed to mention that it fell asleep one day on the couch in the Oval Room of the White House while Donald Trump was president. That's all that happened, but why was the pig in the oval room -- and who let it lay down on the couch? What happened after it woke up? Did it address the nation? Attend a right wing rally? Have lunch with Republican Senators in the Congressional dining room?
  • Outlander
    1.3k
    A pig fell asleep and then woke up, that's all that fucking happened.Shawn

    Well you can simplify any story to a single and seemingly boring occurrence.

    Perhaps the pig was on a mission to gain approval and pigship from his fellow pigs, something we can all relate to. Perhaps the pig fell asleep from overwork dictated by a cruel pig king and has always desired to overthrow the pigdom. Maybe he just ponders the idea of being piglike throughout the day and in his hesitancy to only think but never act fails to change anything thus offering a useful if not melancholy lesson about life.
  • Hanover
    6.9k
    Don't listen to the others. I thought your story was great. You should hang it on your refrigerator.
  • god must be atheist
    3.3k
    ↪Shawn Don't listen to the others. I thought your story was great. You should hang it on your refrigerator.Hanover
    But the moment you hang it on your refrigerator, you admit with deeds that you listen to others. If you don't hang it on your refrigerator, you admit you are listening to others. There is no way to follow advice by Hangover and stay consistent with 'is advice.

    I think therefore that instead of not listening to others, you should restrict your not listening to just Hangover. If you listen to him, and do something, anything, you'll perish in a flicker of self-contradictory paradox.

    Don't think you haven't been forewarned.
  • Shawn
    11.7k
    So, the pig slept and dreamed about eating. When it woke up it properly said that food is good. When it agreed with itself in a shake upon getting up it decided to eat something. Therefore the pig began feeling satisfied and upon this feeling thought to itself that it should go outside and take a shit. Upon doing so the pig further desired to wallow and therefore did wallow.

    These things baffle people, as in, how can a pig be so loving and humble in it's life. But a pig does as it does and does what it wants to do, as well as always knows what to do. Thus the pig lived a humble but happy life.

    The end.
  • unenlightened
    5.9k
    a short psychological thriller authored by unenlightened.praxis

    It's a 'no to competitions, a 'no' to fiction in general, and a big fat 'NOOO!' to thrillers, psychological or cheap.

    But for all you pig-fans, a story-song ...

  • Hanover
    6.9k
    These things baffle people, as in, how can a pig be so loving and humble in it's life. But a pig does as it does and does what it wants to do, as well as always knows what to do. Thus the pig lived a humble but happy life.Shawn

    Pigs can be mean as shit. A boar will gore the fuck out of you. I think you overestimate their mild demeanor and gentle disposition. They're destructive and angry bastards.
  • Shawn
    11.7k


    Yes, that may be true, but, tell me when was the last time you heard a domestic pig killing anyone for the past millennium or more?

    Boars aren't pigs. They are indeed very forracious.
  • Bitter Crank
    9.8k
    "Boar" has two meanings -- a wild pig (which are not native to North America) and a domestic male pig with balls. Female pigs who have not been pregnant are called 'gilts'; once they have borne piglets, they are called 'sows'. "Barrows" are castrated male pigs. Livestock futures group "barrows and gilts" together. A pork chop could be from either one.

    "Boor" and "boar" get confused. "Boar" should be distinguished from 'boor' which is a term for male human swine. Human females can be swinish too, but What are they called? Women are sometimes called "sows", but any discussion of this matter is likely to lead to moderation.

    In North America "wild pigs" are feral domestic pigs--pigs gone hog wild. They could be dangerous, but they are usually just very destructive, what with their tough snouts.
  • god must be atheist
    3.3k
    Can I borrow your boar before it gets barrowed? I'll bring a wheelbarrow to carry him home.
  • Hanover
    6.9k
    Yes, that may be true, but, tell me when was the last time you heard a domestic pig killing anyone for the past millennium or more?Shawn

    https://www.newsweek.com/rome-corcolle-pig-kills-man-attacks-toddler-piglets-child-hospitalized-1463875


    Pigs! Those pigs!
  • Hanover
    6.9k
    Boar" has two meaningsBitter Crank

    And yet boer is a type of goat. The old man down the road sells them. Want I should get you a pair? Always buy at least two of herd animals. At least.
  • god must be atheist
    3.3k
    The Goat war. South Africa. 1889.
  • Bitter Crank
    9.8k
    Let's not forget "bore" - something that boars, sows, barrows, and gilts never do. Actual swine are pretty interesting. Boors, on the other hand, are very boring. Boers are likely to be boring too, and the British thought they were boor enough to go to war with them stubborn Dutch farmers. So, be clear about whether you are speaking of boers, bores, boars, or boors.

    Boer goats are meat makers, developed by the boring Boers.
  • Bitter Crank
    9.8k
    A boar with balls will barrel down the road faster than you can wheel a borrowed barrow.
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